My Shoulders Are My Own

My Shoulders Are My Own

By: Rain

Sad really how something so trivial can push someone over the edge. I’m looking down it right now.And it looks more appealing than where I am standing… way more.

I’m tired of it all. All of it.

I’m tired of explaining it over and over and over. I’m tired of being the only one truly working to keep this all going. The one walking upright, and on her own feet. And you know…. Down there, off the edge… looks like all those people are standing stronger and straighter than I am, with out the added weight to their shoulders. They can finally live truth. I want that.

I’m tired of dragging him along, he’s too god damn heavy. Wish for once he had his own two feet. Or use them. Wish for once, I could walk on my own with out looking back to make sure he’s coming, following me along in the path I’ve cut out.

I don’t want to point the way anymore. I am tired. Wish for once, he’d walk beside me in this… just beside me… and do it all on his own, while I get to stroll along and learn.

But, you know what I get when I step away and refuse to carry him? His screams that I need to pick him back up, help show him the way again… “I can’t do it alone, you already know how, so do it for me!!! I won't find my way and it will be your fault!!”

He never sees that he’s crushing me, he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t see that I’m at the cliff, looking back and forth, trying to decide what to do, where to go.. over or back. He’s too busy screaming from the ground. He doesn’t see, and he doesn’t care. He can’t, simply because he won’t.

If only he could just stand up, use his feet, walk over and take my hand… Walk next to me through this… the decision would be easy. I would go hand in hand on this journey and not even look back at the cliff.

I would embrace the fight again. Embrace him. But he doesn’t stand on his own, and I’m afraid he never will. So I stand here, looking back and forth. Back and forth… At him and the cliff…But, no matter which direction I chose to take, one thing is certain from here on out…

My shoulders are my own and I will no longer carry him. He’s on his own. I hope to not hear his screams for very long.