Hefner's bunny on a Trojan horse
November 10, 2007
By Judith Reisman
© 2007
http://drjudithreisman.com/
Can important lessons still be learned from history and cherished Greek mythology? In 1184 B.C., Sinon, a Greek spy, tricked the Trojan leaders into bringing Ulysses' wooden horse into their walled city. The destruction of Troy, and the enslavement of her women and children, is now legend.
But how could the lesson of Troy's costly naiveté apply to our own times?
Cast your memory back to 1948 when Alfred Kinsey's Trojan horse of "sexual liberation" and his fraudulent "sexual education" harangued our tolerant, Judeo-Christian walled city. Our rates of STDs, family breakdowns and sexual crimes against women and children reflected those restraining religious beliefs and laws.
By 1953, Hugh Hefner, Kinsey's "pamphleteer" smashed through our city walls with his Playboy bunny, and the "sexual revolution" had begun. Elite professors swiftly took up the new values, recruiting students to the sex and drug revolution. Hefner's smiling Playboy bunny, the modern sexual Trojan horse, would torch our civil society – "no fault" divorce and skyrocketing sexual crime and disease were on the way.
See the Kinsey/Hefner fallout in the daily child abuse arrests of influential college educated leaders, legislators, doctors, lawyers, military and Justice Department officials, teachers, clergy, professors and the like.
(Column continues below)
Mainstreaming "adult" pornography inevitably created a lust among perhaps millions who now seek their endogenous opioid thrills in child pornography and abuse.
What follows are a few current reports from my "VIP Child Abusers" file. These are men (and increasingly women and children, despite the lack of VIP women in this recent list) who risked their professions, reputations, families, finances, everything to attain that state of fear, shame and lust the predator experiences as sexual arousal to children.
Thus does the child predator transition from high arousal euphoria to depression and dysphoria, endangering more and more children.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Nov. 6 arrest of Robert Singer, the chief operating officer of the National Children's Museum, charged with deliberately distributing child pornography to a child.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Nov. 6 arrest of Irving Mittleman, a University of New Haven professor charged with flying to Detroit to have sex with two children.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 31 arrest of Barry Mentser, former staff attorney for Franklin County Children's Services, Ohio, for "importuning and attempted unlawful sexual conduct with a minor."
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 30 arrest of University of Hawaii professor Marc P.C. Fossorier for arranging sex with a 15-year-old girl.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 26 arrest of John Eric Gilliam, a ,
Seminole, Texas, paramedic for possession and transportation of hundreds of child pornography images.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 26 arrest of Troy, Ohio, pediatrician Robert Reinhold for "1,700 images … [many] depicted minors engaging in lascivious displays or engaging in acts of sexual activity."
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 27 arrest of Victoria County Texas, Sheriff Mike Ratcliff for aggravated sexual assault and criminal solicitation of a minor with a handgun.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 25 arrest of John P. Duffy, a "well-known local sports announcer and former weekend news anchor for ESPN Radio 1250" in Pittsburgh, Pa., for child pornography.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the Oct. 3 arrest in Fayetteville, Ark., of Michael V. Fortino a nationally televised motivational speaker, for transporting child pornography across state lines.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse during the notorious (now almost forgotten) Sept. 17 arrest of federal prosecutor John David R. Atchison, a U.S. Justice Department, official for soliciting sex with a 5-year-old girl. He allegedly said the child would be unharmed. "Just gotta go slow and very easy. I've done it plenty." Atchison was a member of the Florida Bar Association since 1984 and president of a youth athletic organization.
See the "sexual liberation" Trojan horse when reading on Sept. 14 of the arrest of Louis J. Stroschien Jr., listed as the principal of the Shelby County Catholic School in Harlan, Iowa, for enticement of a minor for sex.
The "sexual liberation" epidemic is of course reflected in violence to women as well, as on Nov. 10 when the military reported an increase in sexual assaults from 1,700 in 2004 to 2,947 in 2006. Here, the Bunny Trojan horse trots through the recent Pentagon decision to sell pornography on military bases in violation of the 1996 "Military Honor and Decency Act."
Meanwhile, an Associated Press study released Oct. 22, found over 2,500 educators in over five years punished for sexual abuse with many more such crimes unreported. The AP report cited a 2004 congressional report that concluded 4.5 million out of 50 million students in American public schools "are subject to sexual misconduct by an employee of a school sometime between kindergarten and 12th grade."
So thousands of VIP professionals, well-educated, esteemed men and women, doctors, lawyers, teachers, clergy, police, justice officials, legislators and the like, as well as many thousands of "uneducated" folks, are annually arrested for child predation.
These predators are carriers of a sex crime epidemic that breached our city walls during the 1960s sexual revolution led by a cadre of Kinseyan sexual psychopaths.
Our nation is well past "the tipping point" of sexual pathology. Until our universities have the courage to face our past mistakes and teach the truth about the Trojan horse-and-bunny history of the sexual revolution, our predatory population will continue to expand, recruit and breed ever greater numbers.
You do the math.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Share Your Story
Women can share their story on Mothers Against Porn Addiction's blog by emailing us at mothersagainstpornaddiction@yahoo.com.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The Porn Myth
The Porn Myth
In the end, porn doesn't whet men's appetites-it turns them off the real thing.
By Naomi Wolf
At a benefit the other night, I saw Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist most famous in the eighties for her conviction that opening the floodgates of pornography would lead men to see real women in sexually debased ways. If we did not limit pornography, she argued-before Internet technology made that prospect a technical impossibility-most men would come to objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.
The feminist warrior looked gentle and almost frail. The world she had, Cassandra-like, warned us about so passionately was truly here: Porn is, as David Amsden says, the "wallpaper" of our lives now. So was she right or wrong?
She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training-and this is having a huge effect on how they interact.
But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as "porn-worthy." Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.
Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can't compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman-with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond "More, more, you big stud!")-possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer's least specification?
For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women.
For the first time in human history, the images' power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women.
Today, real naked women are just bad porn.
For two decades, I have watched young women experience the continual "mission creep" of how pornography-and now Internet pornography-has lowered their sense of their own sexual value and their actual sexual value. When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up. Your boyfriend may have seen Playboy, but hey, you could move, you were warm, you were real. Thirty years ago, simple lovemaking was considered erotic in the pornography that entered mainstream consciousness: When Behind the Green Door first opened, clumsy, earnest, missionary-position intercourse was still considered to be a huge turn-on.
Well, I am 40, and mine is the last female generation to experience that sense of sexual confidence and security in what we had to offer. Our younger sisters had to compete with video porn in the eighties and nineties, when intercourse was not hot enough. Now you have to offer-or flirtatiously suggest-the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene. Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax-just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.) Pornography is addictive; the baseline gets ratcheted up. By the new millennium, a vagina-which, by the way, used to have a pretty high "exchange value," as Marxist economists would say-wasn't enough; it barely registered on the thrill scale. All mainstream porn-and certainly the Internet-made routine use of all available female orifices.
The porn loop is de rigueur, no longer outside the pale; starlets in tabloids boast of learning to strip from professionals; the "cool girls" go with guys to the strip clubs, and even ask for lap dances; college girls are expected to tease guys at keg parties with lesbian kisses à la Britney and Madonna.
But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated-or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.
The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman. Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don't know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.
So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women-and ultimately less libidinous.
The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.
After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.
Other cultures know this.
I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time. In many more traditional cultures, it is not prudery that leads them to discourage men from looking at pornography. It is, rather, because these cultures understand male sexuality and what it takes to keep men and women turned on to one another over time-to help men, in particular, to, as the Old Testament puts it, "rejoice with the wife of thy youth; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times." These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.
And feminists have misunderstood many of these prohibitions.
I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. "Can't I even see your hair?" I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. "No," she demurred quietly. "Only my husband," she said with a calm sexual confidence, "ever gets to see my hair."
When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband-the kids are not allowed-the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day-in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman's hair.
She must feel, I thought, so hot.
Compare that steaminess with a conversation I had at Northwestern, after I had talked about the effect of porn on relationships. "Why have sex right away?" a boy with tousled hair and Bambi eyes was explaining. "Things are always a little tense and uncomfortable when you just start seeing someone," he said. "I prefer to have sex right away just to get it over with. You know it's going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension."
"Isn't the tension kind of fun?" I asked. "Doesn't that also get rid of the mystery?"
"Mystery?" He looked at me blankly. And then, without hesitating, he replied: "I don't know what you're talking about. Sex has no mystery."
In the end, porn doesn't whet men's appetites-it turns them off the real thing.
By Naomi Wolf
At a benefit the other night, I saw Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist most famous in the eighties for her conviction that opening the floodgates of pornography would lead men to see real women in sexually debased ways. If we did not limit pornography, she argued-before Internet technology made that prospect a technical impossibility-most men would come to objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.
The feminist warrior looked gentle and almost frail. The world she had, Cassandra-like, warned us about so passionately was truly here: Porn is, as David Amsden says, the "wallpaper" of our lives now. So was she right or wrong?
She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training-and this is having a huge effect on how they interact.
But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as "porn-worthy." Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.
Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can't compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman-with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond "More, more, you big stud!")-possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer's least specification?
For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women.
For the first time in human history, the images' power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women.
Today, real naked women are just bad porn.
For two decades, I have watched young women experience the continual "mission creep" of how pornography-and now Internet pornography-has lowered their sense of their own sexual value and their actual sexual value. When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up. Your boyfriend may have seen Playboy, but hey, you could move, you were warm, you were real. Thirty years ago, simple lovemaking was considered erotic in the pornography that entered mainstream consciousness: When Behind the Green Door first opened, clumsy, earnest, missionary-position intercourse was still considered to be a huge turn-on.
Well, I am 40, and mine is the last female generation to experience that sense of sexual confidence and security in what we had to offer. Our younger sisters had to compete with video porn in the eighties and nineties, when intercourse was not hot enough. Now you have to offer-or flirtatiously suggest-the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene. Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax-just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.) Pornography is addictive; the baseline gets ratcheted up. By the new millennium, a vagina-which, by the way, used to have a pretty high "exchange value," as Marxist economists would say-wasn't enough; it barely registered on the thrill scale. All mainstream porn-and certainly the Internet-made routine use of all available female orifices.
The porn loop is de rigueur, no longer outside the pale; starlets in tabloids boast of learning to strip from professionals; the "cool girls" go with guys to the strip clubs, and even ask for lap dances; college girls are expected to tease guys at keg parties with lesbian kisses à la Britney and Madonna.
But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated-or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.
The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman. Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don't know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.
So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women-and ultimately less libidinous.
The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.
After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.
Other cultures know this.
I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time. In many more traditional cultures, it is not prudery that leads them to discourage men from looking at pornography. It is, rather, because these cultures understand male sexuality and what it takes to keep men and women turned on to one another over time-to help men, in particular, to, as the Old Testament puts it, "rejoice with the wife of thy youth; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times." These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.
And feminists have misunderstood many of these prohibitions.
I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. "Can't I even see your hair?" I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. "No," she demurred quietly. "Only my husband," she said with a calm sexual confidence, "ever gets to see my hair."
When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband-the kids are not allowed-the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day-in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman's hair.
She must feel, I thought, so hot.
Compare that steaminess with a conversation I had at Northwestern, after I had talked about the effect of porn on relationships. "Why have sex right away?" a boy with tousled hair and Bambi eyes was explaining. "Things are always a little tense and uncomfortable when you just start seeing someone," he said. "I prefer to have sex right away just to get it over with. You know it's going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension."
"Isn't the tension kind of fun?" I asked. "Doesn't that also get rid of the mystery?"
"Mystery?" He looked at me blankly. And then, without hesitating, he replied: "I don't know what you're talking about. Sex has no mystery."
Friday, May 25, 2007
What Is Being the Significant Other of a Porn Addict Like?
by: tootrue
What is it like being the significant other of a porn addict?
It might be nearly impossible for someone who has not been affected by living with an addict to fully understand that porn addiction is like any other addiction. And that it affects the people around the addict in significant ways. It eats time, energy, compassion, money, trust and creates enormous chaos and damage to families of addicts. It leads to divorce, tumultuous situations for children, direct and indirect neglect of children by addicts and mothers who are forced into dealing with the addict, accidental and even purposeful exposure to children in the home, sexually transmitted disease for the spouse whose own personal porn addict escalates to acting out in real life, and mental and physical stress on the significant other that can become an obsession all its own.
Internet porn isn't your father's Playboy. Or even today's Penthouse. It's available in enormous quantities right from your home pc. No one has to get up the nerve to buy it in a seedy store or risk being seen by neighbors or friends walking out of an adult video or book store. And it is highly addictive.
To a porn addict, what might start as seemingly harmless entertainment or diversion becomes obsession. Porn addiction is an escalating progressive addiction. What is at first taboo later becomes sought after as an addict builds tolerance, much like with any other addiction, and then seeks out increasingly stimulating material for gratification leading to often increasingly violent porn, subjects that include younger and younger age girls and children, incest, bestiality, rape, and what most might consider just downright not sexually stimulating but repelling.
Recently comments were posted on this blog (which we've deleted) by someone stating that this site is a joke, some raunchy commentary followed by high schoolish degrading of recovered porn addicts' posts to this board, and that for that commenter, "porn is my reason for getting up in the morning."
Well, that pretty much sadly sums up a serious case of porn addiction.
Not very many women find the sight of a man sitting in a dark room by himself in front of a computer masturbating to computer images with pants around ankles very compellingly sexy or manly. It's disturbing. It's the image that gets stuck in the mind of the significant others of porn addicts. And unfortunately for many, their children may have this same image of their fathers permanently fused in their minds.
Escalation of porn addiction can and does lead to acting out in real life. Many SOs of porn addicts report finding their husband's profiles on sex sites, dating sites, phone sex sites, webcam sites, etc.
But beyond the image of the porn puppet in front of the computer, SOs of porn addicts have other images etched in their heads. Maybe most frequently and most disturbing in the long run is the image of someone you love and trust lying in countless conversations to cover up the amount of time being spent, type of porn being viewed, hiding places for porn, and crazy making behavior.
I remember once finding porn tapes and teen porn magazines in my husband's closet. Our toddler was following behind me while I was gathering up dirty laundry in baskets and came upon yet another of her father's many stashes. When I asked him about it his reply was that he did not put it there. They were not his magazines. Maybe, he said, "you put them there."
Me: Yeah, I put them there. I put them there? How could you think I put them there? Nobody else comes into your closet except for you, me, and perhaps our children. So one of us, here in this house, either me or you, put them in the closet. And it wasn't me so of course it was you.
Him: Well, it wasn't me.
Multiply these crazy, crazy making kinds of conversations times a thousand. And add in another hundred that aren't obvious until well after they happen. Being subject to these kinds of responses, lack of simple accountability, blatant lying, blameshifting, and exposure to unwanted and shocking images, and it begins to take a toll on the wife or significant other of an addict. Sometimes this is referred to as "gaslighting."
In my own experience, and through reading so many experiences of other wives, ex-wives, and significant others of porn addicts, some of the most memorable situations that women have had to deal with from porn addicted spouses or boyfriends include being told that a neighbor must have come into the house and been looking at porn on their home computer, blaming the computer history on their own teenage child, hiding porn in the trunk of the car.....
To me it seems that one of the single most quoted responses our MAPA members report from husbands is "there's nothing wrong with it. All men do it."
And another most quoted thought is that SOs of porn addicts are often most troubled and affected by the lying that goes hand in hand with addiction in general.....often even more so than the porn itself.
I would imagine that many SOs of porn addicts start out believing that to be a truth: Men like porn. So getting to the point of believing ourselves that this is more than men liking porn, that this feels inherently wrong, that this is really an addiction, can sometimes be a battle in ourselves that has its own toll. Learning to trust your intuition, feel validated in personal boundaries, have healthy expectations, is a part time job when an addict's converse part time job is to erode those very things to protect his addiction and normalize his behavior and choices. Addiction to anything is not healthy. Addiction isn't something that is normal and beneficial to anyone. Addiction affects people around the addict.
Whatever a person's beliefs on porn, or right to free speech, etc......porn addiction is real and damaging to addicts and their families, and the symptoms of addiction and its effect on families go far beyond the reaction to images viewed or moral standings on porn.
Some of the many symptoms mentioned by SOs of porn addicts include need for personal counseling involving time, expense, and their own recoveries, anti depressant medication, loss of trust in a general sense, feelings of hopelessness, lack of interest in their own lives and appearances, weight gain or weight loss, hair falling out, inability to concentrate or focus, isolation from friends and family, lack of focus on children, lack of joy, anger, bitterness, consideration of separation and divorce, suicidal thoughts, treatment for depression, lack of interest in sex, sense of betrayal, avoiding social situations, decrease in self esteem, concern for children, lack of motivation, feeling stuck in a marriage, obsession with finding porn stashes, fear of financial consequences resulting from job loss of the addict due to porn use on work computers, fear of legal consequences resulting from addict's use of illegal porn, self doubt, covering up for the addict to friends and family, sense of living a dual public and secret private life, heightened sense that it is their fault, feeling worthless or stupid, sexually transmitted diseases.
Our latest trolling commenter stated that the women of MAPA are "middle aged cows." Light bulb moment: Objectively and ironically women affected by porn addiction are from all age groups and all levels of attractiveness. But most ironic is that many are extremely attractive and some are drop dead gorgeous. Does this matter? NO of course not. But to me what is significant is that this addiction, like any other, is about the addict. It has nothing to do with the looks of the significant other. Our MAPA support board relates the stories of many significant others' experiences. Here again it is ironic that so many stories are expressed with a bright, articulate ability to express thoughts. Members of MAPA make up women from all walks of life, from many different faiths, backgrounds, educations, political beliefs, etc. We have many things in common and many differences. One common ground we share is our concern for someone addicted to pornography, our concern for how that has affected us and our families.
Porn addiction treatment is available. It is most successful reportedly when it is sought by the addict. As in treatment for any addiction, the recovery success rate is higher for those who are self motivated.
Leaving the secret life of living with a porn addict behind in seeking out validation, support, information, and individual counseling in real life and in communities online such as this one can be very helpful for sigificant others of porn addicts in their own recoveries.
What is it like being the significant other of a porn addict?
It might be nearly impossible for someone who has not been affected by living with an addict to fully understand that porn addiction is like any other addiction. And that it affects the people around the addict in significant ways. It eats time, energy, compassion, money, trust and creates enormous chaos and damage to families of addicts. It leads to divorce, tumultuous situations for children, direct and indirect neglect of children by addicts and mothers who are forced into dealing with the addict, accidental and even purposeful exposure to children in the home, sexually transmitted disease for the spouse whose own personal porn addict escalates to acting out in real life, and mental and physical stress on the significant other that can become an obsession all its own.
Internet porn isn't your father's Playboy. Or even today's Penthouse. It's available in enormous quantities right from your home pc. No one has to get up the nerve to buy it in a seedy store or risk being seen by neighbors or friends walking out of an adult video or book store. And it is highly addictive.
To a porn addict, what might start as seemingly harmless entertainment or diversion becomes obsession. Porn addiction is an escalating progressive addiction. What is at first taboo later becomes sought after as an addict builds tolerance, much like with any other addiction, and then seeks out increasingly stimulating material for gratification leading to often increasingly violent porn, subjects that include younger and younger age girls and children, incest, bestiality, rape, and what most might consider just downright not sexually stimulating but repelling.
Recently comments were posted on this blog (which we've deleted) by someone stating that this site is a joke, some raunchy commentary followed by high schoolish degrading of recovered porn addicts' posts to this board, and that for that commenter, "porn is my reason for getting up in the morning."
Well, that pretty much sadly sums up a serious case of porn addiction.
Not very many women find the sight of a man sitting in a dark room by himself in front of a computer masturbating to computer images with pants around ankles very compellingly sexy or manly. It's disturbing. It's the image that gets stuck in the mind of the significant others of porn addicts. And unfortunately for many, their children may have this same image of their fathers permanently fused in their minds.
Escalation of porn addiction can and does lead to acting out in real life. Many SOs of porn addicts report finding their husband's profiles on sex sites, dating sites, phone sex sites, webcam sites, etc.
But beyond the image of the porn puppet in front of the computer, SOs of porn addicts have other images etched in their heads. Maybe most frequently and most disturbing in the long run is the image of someone you love and trust lying in countless conversations to cover up the amount of time being spent, type of porn being viewed, hiding places for porn, and crazy making behavior.
I remember once finding porn tapes and teen porn magazines in my husband's closet. Our toddler was following behind me while I was gathering up dirty laundry in baskets and came upon yet another of her father's many stashes. When I asked him about it his reply was that he did not put it there. They were not his magazines. Maybe, he said, "you put them there."
Me: Yeah, I put them there. I put them there? How could you think I put them there? Nobody else comes into your closet except for you, me, and perhaps our children. So one of us, here in this house, either me or you, put them in the closet. And it wasn't me so of course it was you.
Him: Well, it wasn't me.
Multiply these crazy, crazy making kinds of conversations times a thousand. And add in another hundred that aren't obvious until well after they happen. Being subject to these kinds of responses, lack of simple accountability, blatant lying, blameshifting, and exposure to unwanted and shocking images, and it begins to take a toll on the wife or significant other of an addict. Sometimes this is referred to as "gaslighting."
In my own experience, and through reading so many experiences of other wives, ex-wives, and significant others of porn addicts, some of the most memorable situations that women have had to deal with from porn addicted spouses or boyfriends include being told that a neighbor must have come into the house and been looking at porn on their home computer, blaming the computer history on their own teenage child, hiding porn in the trunk of the car.....
To me it seems that one of the single most quoted responses our MAPA members report from husbands is "there's nothing wrong with it. All men do it."
And another most quoted thought is that SOs of porn addicts are often most troubled and affected by the lying that goes hand in hand with addiction in general.....often even more so than the porn itself.
I would imagine that many SOs of porn addicts start out believing that to be a truth: Men like porn. So getting to the point of believing ourselves that this is more than men liking porn, that this feels inherently wrong, that this is really an addiction, can sometimes be a battle in ourselves that has its own toll. Learning to trust your intuition, feel validated in personal boundaries, have healthy expectations, is a part time job when an addict's converse part time job is to erode those very things to protect his addiction and normalize his behavior and choices. Addiction to anything is not healthy. Addiction isn't something that is normal and beneficial to anyone. Addiction affects people around the addict.
Whatever a person's beliefs on porn, or right to free speech, etc......porn addiction is real and damaging to addicts and their families, and the symptoms of addiction and its effect on families go far beyond the reaction to images viewed or moral standings on porn.
Some of the many symptoms mentioned by SOs of porn addicts include need for personal counseling involving time, expense, and their own recoveries, anti depressant medication, loss of trust in a general sense, feelings of hopelessness, lack of interest in their own lives and appearances, weight gain or weight loss, hair falling out, inability to concentrate or focus, isolation from friends and family, lack of focus on children, lack of joy, anger, bitterness, consideration of separation and divorce, suicidal thoughts, treatment for depression, lack of interest in sex, sense of betrayal, avoiding social situations, decrease in self esteem, concern for children, lack of motivation, feeling stuck in a marriage, obsession with finding porn stashes, fear of financial consequences resulting from job loss of the addict due to porn use on work computers, fear of legal consequences resulting from addict's use of illegal porn, self doubt, covering up for the addict to friends and family, sense of living a dual public and secret private life, heightened sense that it is their fault, feeling worthless or stupid, sexually transmitted diseases.
Our latest trolling commenter stated that the women of MAPA are "middle aged cows." Light bulb moment: Objectively and ironically women affected by porn addiction are from all age groups and all levels of attractiveness. But most ironic is that many are extremely attractive and some are drop dead gorgeous. Does this matter? NO of course not. But to me what is significant is that this addiction, like any other, is about the addict. It has nothing to do with the looks of the significant other. Our MAPA support board relates the stories of many significant others' experiences. Here again it is ironic that so many stories are expressed with a bright, articulate ability to express thoughts. Members of MAPA make up women from all walks of life, from many different faiths, backgrounds, educations, political beliefs, etc. We have many things in common and many differences. One common ground we share is our concern for someone addicted to pornography, our concern for how that has affected us and our families.
Porn addiction treatment is available. It is most successful reportedly when it is sought by the addict. As in treatment for any addiction, the recovery success rate is higher for those who are self motivated.
Leaving the secret life of living with a porn addict behind in seeking out validation, support, information, and individual counseling in real life and in communities online such as this one can be very helpful for sigificant others of porn addicts in their own recoveries.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Fast Food Fun
I was having dinner with my two young children recently at a fast food restaurant when about six college aged young men and two college aged young women came in and sat down at the table closest to us.
As I was eating my fast food dinner, feeling slightly guilty that I was, while making a grocery shopping list in my head and listening to my older daughter talk about how the mcnugget is "real chicken, you know" snippets of the conversation from the next table filtered through the air to my ears.
"It's a yellow shower and you would not believe how much she loved it" one of the boys said. Some of the others laughed. I looked at their table. Some of the boys did not laugh. But they did not say anything either. The girls stayed silent. Oblivious to any discord among the group the talker continued on to relate scenes from a porn movie. If I had been two or three tables away I might have looked over and interpreted the scene as a bunch of college kids having a nice time. They were dressed nicely, appeared clean cut. They looked like a nice group of kids.
One of the boys looked at me and made complete eye contact. He changed the subject at the table. He noticed my children. He did the right thing.
One of the girls got up and moved to another table and talked to two others.
When I was in college the topic was real sex, not porn. While I am sure that my friends and I engaged in chatty girl talk that sometimes involved sex conversations, I honestly don't ever remember porn being part of the equation. We were the cool group and we certainly weren't prudish. We partied and had fun, were smart and active and thought we were terrific and knew everything. But we didn't get into porn. We had boyfriends and premarital sex. We were most scared about getting pregnant and AIDS didn't exist. I had never seen a porn movie and I don't think I ever thought about porn at all.
I had to wonder, watching those kids whether some younger people now with the proliferation of porn addiction, computer chat rooms, constant text messaging, cell phones, etc miss out on so much of what goes on in a community spirit of college. Or if it has just changed so much that I can no longer relate to their generation's experience.
What will become of these young people who get hooked on porn?
Seconds before the one young man looked at me and changed the subject, my mind had been racing as to how to handle the situation for my own children. They seemed to not take much notice of the conversation of these college kids, but in their own youthful way were also completely enthralled by watching "big kids" having dinner together. I considered that I could either move to another table or go over and say something to them. I'm glad I didn't have to.
As I was eating my fast food dinner, feeling slightly guilty that I was, while making a grocery shopping list in my head and listening to my older daughter talk about how the mcnugget is "real chicken, you know" snippets of the conversation from the next table filtered through the air to my ears.
"It's a yellow shower and you would not believe how much she loved it" one of the boys said. Some of the others laughed. I looked at their table. Some of the boys did not laugh. But they did not say anything either. The girls stayed silent. Oblivious to any discord among the group the talker continued on to relate scenes from a porn movie. If I had been two or three tables away I might have looked over and interpreted the scene as a bunch of college kids having a nice time. They were dressed nicely, appeared clean cut. They looked like a nice group of kids.
One of the boys looked at me and made complete eye contact. He changed the subject at the table. He noticed my children. He did the right thing.
One of the girls got up and moved to another table and talked to two others.
When I was in college the topic was real sex, not porn. While I am sure that my friends and I engaged in chatty girl talk that sometimes involved sex conversations, I honestly don't ever remember porn being part of the equation. We were the cool group and we certainly weren't prudish. We partied and had fun, were smart and active and thought we were terrific and knew everything. But we didn't get into porn. We had boyfriends and premarital sex. We were most scared about getting pregnant and AIDS didn't exist. I had never seen a porn movie and I don't think I ever thought about porn at all.
I had to wonder, watching those kids whether some younger people now with the proliferation of porn addiction, computer chat rooms, constant text messaging, cell phones, etc miss out on so much of what goes on in a community spirit of college. Or if it has just changed so much that I can no longer relate to their generation's experience.
What will become of these young people who get hooked on porn?
Seconds before the one young man looked at me and changed the subject, my mind had been racing as to how to handle the situation for my own children. They seemed to not take much notice of the conversation of these college kids, but in their own youthful way were also completely enthralled by watching "big kids" having dinner together. I considered that I could either move to another table or go over and say something to them. I'm glad I didn't have to.
Lighted Candle Society
'Tsunami of pornography' debases human dignity, archbishop says
By Dan Morris-Young and Barbara Lee5/14/2007
Catholic News Service (www.catholicnews.com)
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (CNS) – Describing what he sees as an "electronic tsunami of pornography," Archbishop George H. Niederauer of San Francisco told a Utah-based anti-pornography organization that pornography "debases the priceless worth and dignity of each human being and (God's) gift of human sexuality."
While pornography "is not a new challenge," the archbishop told members of the Lighted Candle Society at its annual awards dinner in Salt Lake City May 8, "the explosive increase in the accessibility and availability of pornography is new and deeply troubling."
"Every computer terminal is its pipeline, and cell phones and other hand-held devices, many of them marketed to children and young people, literally deliver pornography everywhere, to anyone," he said in his keynote address.
Archbishop Niederauer was presented the Lighted Candle Society's Guardian of the Light Award two years ago for his work as president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, a position he held for five years as bishop of Salt Lake City before being named archbishop of San Francisco.
The archbishop, who headed the Salt Lake City Diocese from 1994 to 2005, reminded his listeners that pornography "now generates more annual income than all three major professional sports combined, and causes as well the world's fastest growing addiction."
"We have all heard the discouraging numbers," he said, noting research shows there are 68 million Internet "search engine requests for porn sites" every day, that 70 percent of men ages 18 to 24 visit porn sites each month, that "90 percent of 8- to 16-year-olds have viewed porn online," and that "the average age of a child's first exposure to pornography on the Internet is 11."
However, he said, "what should motivate us most profoundly is not the amount of pornography there is but the kind of harm it does. Pornography assaults human dignity and commodifies people and human sexuality. Porn starves the human soul in its spiritual dimension. ... The human person, an irreplaceable gift, becomes a throwaway toy."
The archbishop, who chairs the U.S. bishops' Committee on Communications and is a member of the Pontifical Council on Social Communications, cautioned that pornography opponents "need constantly to explore and articulate what we are for, not merely what we are against. Deploring and pointing with alarm are valid and effective only in light of what we value and defend."
Much of the archbishop's talk also addressed the motion picture industry which, he said, "is capable of so much beauty and so much trash."
Admitting he has had "a lifelong love affair with the movies," Archbishop Niederauer criticized "the nihilism that reigns in many quarters of moviemaking" today as well as "excessive violence" and dark portrayals of life.
He called on his listeners, film critics and moviemakers themselves to be wary of being cowed by a desire to seem "supersophisticated."
"The one thing we will not be called is prudes, so we laugh nervously at the vilest sexual aberrations, nod knowingly at the blackest, sickest kind of humor, even relish a bit of violence well carried off," the archbishop said. "Some of us want to come off as so worldly-wise that we defend any evil flashed on-screen by saying, 'Face it, the world is like that!'
"Moviegoers can't be sponges," he added. "Just as in our experiences of other media, in watching films we need to become our own best filters."
At the awards dinner, the Lighted Candle Society presented Guardian of the Light Awards to nationally syndicated radio talk-show host Michael Reagan, the adopted son of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and Pamela Atkinson, who succeeded Archbishop Niederauer as president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography.
The society was founded in 2001 by John Harmer, a former California state senator and California lieutenant governor during Ronald Reagan's term as governor. Harmer and researcher James B. Smith recently co-wrote "The Sex Industrial Complex," subtitled "America's Secret Combination: Pornographic Culture, Addiction and the Human Brain."
In an interview with the Intermountain Catholic, Salt Lake City diocesan newspaper, Harmer said it is through the efforts of people such as Michael Reagan and Atkinson that the Lighted Candle Society is ready to achieve a much broader base.
"When I created the society, I was aware of many similar organizations doing the same work," he said.
But Harmer said he found a void in research and the training of law enforcement officials and prosecutors to effectively fight pornography in the courts on behalf of individuals who have suffered because of the use of pornography.
"It is much like the court battles that have tackled tobacco marketing," he said. "People have no idea how powerful and dangerous these images are and how pervasive they become to a person addicted to pornography." - - -
By Dan Morris-Young and Barbara Lee5/14/2007
Catholic News Service (www.catholicnews.com)
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (CNS) – Describing what he sees as an "electronic tsunami of pornography," Archbishop George H. Niederauer of San Francisco told a Utah-based anti-pornography organization that pornography "debases the priceless worth and dignity of each human being and (God's) gift of human sexuality."
While pornography "is not a new challenge," the archbishop told members of the Lighted Candle Society at its annual awards dinner in Salt Lake City May 8, "the explosive increase in the accessibility and availability of pornography is new and deeply troubling."
"Every computer terminal is its pipeline, and cell phones and other hand-held devices, many of them marketed to children and young people, literally deliver pornography everywhere, to anyone," he said in his keynote address.
Archbishop Niederauer was presented the Lighted Candle Society's Guardian of the Light Award two years ago for his work as president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, a position he held for five years as bishop of Salt Lake City before being named archbishop of San Francisco.
The archbishop, who headed the Salt Lake City Diocese from 1994 to 2005, reminded his listeners that pornography "now generates more annual income than all three major professional sports combined, and causes as well the world's fastest growing addiction."
"We have all heard the discouraging numbers," he said, noting research shows there are 68 million Internet "search engine requests for porn sites" every day, that 70 percent of men ages 18 to 24 visit porn sites each month, that "90 percent of 8- to 16-year-olds have viewed porn online," and that "the average age of a child's first exposure to pornography on the Internet is 11."
However, he said, "what should motivate us most profoundly is not the amount of pornography there is but the kind of harm it does. Pornography assaults human dignity and commodifies people and human sexuality. Porn starves the human soul in its spiritual dimension. ... The human person, an irreplaceable gift, becomes a throwaway toy."
The archbishop, who chairs the U.S. bishops' Committee on Communications and is a member of the Pontifical Council on Social Communications, cautioned that pornography opponents "need constantly to explore and articulate what we are for, not merely what we are against. Deploring and pointing with alarm are valid and effective only in light of what we value and defend."
Much of the archbishop's talk also addressed the motion picture industry which, he said, "is capable of so much beauty and so much trash."
Admitting he has had "a lifelong love affair with the movies," Archbishop Niederauer criticized "the nihilism that reigns in many quarters of moviemaking" today as well as "excessive violence" and dark portrayals of life.
He called on his listeners, film critics and moviemakers themselves to be wary of being cowed by a desire to seem "supersophisticated."
"The one thing we will not be called is prudes, so we laugh nervously at the vilest sexual aberrations, nod knowingly at the blackest, sickest kind of humor, even relish a bit of violence well carried off," the archbishop said. "Some of us want to come off as so worldly-wise that we defend any evil flashed on-screen by saying, 'Face it, the world is like that!'
"Moviegoers can't be sponges," he added. "Just as in our experiences of other media, in watching films we need to become our own best filters."
At the awards dinner, the Lighted Candle Society presented Guardian of the Light Awards to nationally syndicated radio talk-show host Michael Reagan, the adopted son of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and Pamela Atkinson, who succeeded Archbishop Niederauer as president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography.
The society was founded in 2001 by John Harmer, a former California state senator and California lieutenant governor during Ronald Reagan's term as governor. Harmer and researcher James B. Smith recently co-wrote "The Sex Industrial Complex," subtitled "America's Secret Combination: Pornographic Culture, Addiction and the Human Brain."
In an interview with the Intermountain Catholic, Salt Lake City diocesan newspaper, Harmer said it is through the efforts of people such as Michael Reagan and Atkinson that the Lighted Candle Society is ready to achieve a much broader base.
"When I created the society, I was aware of many similar organizations doing the same work," he said.
But Harmer said he found a void in research and the training of law enforcement officials and prosecutors to effectively fight pornography in the courts on behalf of individuals who have suffered because of the use of pornography.
"It is much like the court battles that have tackled tobacco marketing," he said. "People have no idea how powerful and dangerous these images are and how pervasive they become to a person addicted to pornography." - - -
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Cho lapped up our sadosexual culture
Posted: May 3, 20071:00 a.m. Eastern
By Judith Reisman
© 2000 WorldNetDaily.com-->© 2007
Based on some Internet bloggers' hysteria, my WND column guessing the Virginia Tech killer had a pornography addiction traumatized scores of heavy users out there.
Well, that is to be anticipated after decades of universities and colleges pandering pornography in their bookstores and at their "we're so cool" pornography film fests.
Now it turns out that this "loner" graduated from looking to paying. The local WSLS News Channel 10 reported that the killer hired a female "escort service" a month before he massacred unarmed and defenseless students and faculty.
Cho paid "Chastity" for an hour of private "dancing" in his motel room. When the little tough guy wanted more than dancing, Chastity says she left him flat.
All of the reports about this fantasy-fueled, frustrated egomaniac confirm Cho's anger, fear and hatred of women.
Although Cho was certainly a porn addict, we don't yet know (if we ever will) exactly what kind of Internet cruising he had descended into: sadistic, "barely legal," children, macho/military men or Playboy's fairytale female lovers.
All allegedly "heterosexual" pornography of course fuels disgust and anger at those provocative women who don't really "do it" but who just "tease" their lusting lotharios.
Naturally, since seething Internet seductresses don't "put out," millions of libidinous men go livid. Unable to admit that pornography robs them of their manhood, these poor Internet patsies tell themselves that their desperate excitement is "sex."
Naturally, statistically, some such confused, angry men will turn from these (um, deceitful) women to guys. Even The Advocate admitted back in 1994 that 21 percent of their largely affluent, educated male readers reported molestation by an adult before age 15. Cho's writing suggests he was one of those.
So another coward belligerently stalked women and took illegal under-the-desk crotch photos of co-eds; the ones that the university seems to think were not criminal.
Of course, the man's hate-filled and medically altered brain has been fueled by the same, dare we say it, immoral refuse culture that taints us all; the coarsened, sadosexual television and film fare, the killer-simulating video games and Victoria Secret public spaces that have come to define our ignorant and barbaric age.
Even the Washington Post reported that Korean youths who knew Cho in high school "said he was a fan of violent video games, particularly Counterstrike, a hugely popular online game published by Microsoft, in which players join terrorism or counterterrorism groups and try to shoot each other using all types of guns."
Right, let's hear it for Bill Gates' gaming bottom line. Now we'll be told it's Christian inhibitions and guns that cause mass murder. Of course, at most high school gun clubs, even in my day, kids practiced shooting at targets, not at people.
Blogger "CLS" pointed out that proposed Virginia legislation in 2005 would have allowed students and faculty with a valid concealed handgun permit to carry firearms at Virginia Tech and other universities. Since the legislation was defeated, Virginia Tech became another "gun free zone" in our erototoxically crazed society.
Firearms for self-defense are verboten. Only firearms for massacres are allowed.
In several prior attacks, would-be killers were stopped by gun-totting faculty and students who had to first retrieve their firearms from their cars. Of course, these heroes don't appear above the fold in the New York Times. That honor is reserved for the latest glaring, copycat killer in pseudo military gear.
Blogger James Lewis raised another question about who taught Cho to hate.
Lewis asks what Cho learned in school. Although his answer is well worth reading in full, here is a glimpse:
"English studies at VT are a post-modern Disney World in which nihilism, moral and sexual boundary breaking, and fantasies of Marxist revolutionary violence are celebrated. They show up in a lot of faculty writing. Not by all the faculty, but probably by more than half. Just check out their websites."
I did. He's right. And talk about learning: After God got kicked out of American schools from kindergarten to university, the Ten Commandments came down and AIDS posters went up.
Kind friends, we are reaping the results of "The Marketing of Evil." As is the case in any war, it is the innocent, especially the children, who pay the price for our arrogant, egotistical sexual license and our ignorance of real American history and tradition.
Dr. Judith Reisman is president of the Institute for Media Education and is the author of "Kinsey, Crimes & Consequences."
Posted: May 3, 20071:00 a.m. Eastern
By Judith Reisman
© 2000 WorldNetDaily.com-->© 2007
Based on some Internet bloggers' hysteria, my WND column guessing the Virginia Tech killer had a pornography addiction traumatized scores of heavy users out there.
Well, that is to be anticipated after decades of universities and colleges pandering pornography in their bookstores and at their "we're so cool" pornography film fests.
Now it turns out that this "loner" graduated from looking to paying. The local WSLS News Channel 10 reported that the killer hired a female "escort service" a month before he massacred unarmed and defenseless students and faculty.
Cho paid "Chastity" for an hour of private "dancing" in his motel room. When the little tough guy wanted more than dancing, Chastity says she left him flat.
All of the reports about this fantasy-fueled, frustrated egomaniac confirm Cho's anger, fear and hatred of women.
Although Cho was certainly a porn addict, we don't yet know (if we ever will) exactly what kind of Internet cruising he had descended into: sadistic, "barely legal," children, macho/military men or Playboy's fairytale female lovers.
All allegedly "heterosexual" pornography of course fuels disgust and anger at those provocative women who don't really "do it" but who just "tease" their lusting lotharios.
Naturally, since seething Internet seductresses don't "put out," millions of libidinous men go livid. Unable to admit that pornography robs them of their manhood, these poor Internet patsies tell themselves that their desperate excitement is "sex."
Naturally, statistically, some such confused, angry men will turn from these (um, deceitful) women to guys. Even The Advocate admitted back in 1994 that 21 percent of their largely affluent, educated male readers reported molestation by an adult before age 15. Cho's writing suggests he was one of those.
So another coward belligerently stalked women and took illegal under-the-desk crotch photos of co-eds; the ones that the university seems to think were not criminal.
Of course, the man's hate-filled and medically altered brain has been fueled by the same, dare we say it, immoral refuse culture that taints us all; the coarsened, sadosexual television and film fare, the killer-simulating video games and Victoria Secret public spaces that have come to define our ignorant and barbaric age.
Even the Washington Post reported that Korean youths who knew Cho in high school "said he was a fan of violent video games, particularly Counterstrike, a hugely popular online game published by Microsoft, in which players join terrorism or counterterrorism groups and try to shoot each other using all types of guns."
Right, let's hear it for Bill Gates' gaming bottom line. Now we'll be told it's Christian inhibitions and guns that cause mass murder. Of course, at most high school gun clubs, even in my day, kids practiced shooting at targets, not at people.
Blogger "CLS" pointed out that proposed Virginia legislation in 2005 would have allowed students and faculty with a valid concealed handgun permit to carry firearms at Virginia Tech and other universities. Since the legislation was defeated, Virginia Tech became another "gun free zone" in our erototoxically crazed society.
Firearms for self-defense are verboten. Only firearms for massacres are allowed.
In several prior attacks, would-be killers were stopped by gun-totting faculty and students who had to first retrieve their firearms from their cars. Of course, these heroes don't appear above the fold in the New York Times. That honor is reserved for the latest glaring, copycat killer in pseudo military gear.
Blogger James Lewis raised another question about who taught Cho to hate.
Lewis asks what Cho learned in school. Although his answer is well worth reading in full, here is a glimpse:
"English studies at VT are a post-modern Disney World in which nihilism, moral and sexual boundary breaking, and fantasies of Marxist revolutionary violence are celebrated. They show up in a lot of faculty writing. Not by all the faculty, but probably by more than half. Just check out their websites."
I did. He's right. And talk about learning: After God got kicked out of American schools from kindergarten to university, the Ten Commandments came down and AIDS posters went up.
Kind friends, we are reaping the results of "The Marketing of Evil." As is the case in any war, it is the innocent, especially the children, who pay the price for our arrogant, egotistical sexual license and our ignorance of real American history and tradition.
Dr. Judith Reisman is president of the Institute for Media Education and is the author of "Kinsey, Crimes & Consequences."
Thursday, May 3, 2007
An Open Letter to My Wife By The Webmaster at No-Porn.com
An open letter to my wife:
Thank you for everything you are in my life. Thank you for the tremendous sacrifices you make on a daily basis. Thank you for setting such a remarkable example for our children. Your commitment to your studies since you returned to college has shown the kids far better than we could ever teach them otherwise the importance of an education. They see everything you do, and I am impressed at how well they do in school because they simply follow your example. It isn’t just a one-time example; it has been persistent over the past three years. Perhaps there are things I should be doing persistently by way of example for our children as well.
The children also feel of your love in our home. When you take time to teach them values that will last throughout their lives, when you insist on good manners, when you limit their television and video game privileges, and when you tuck them in and sing them songs, they feel of that love. When you give them hugs and kisses, they feel of that love.
Thank you for limiting the number of sports events and other extra curricular activities the kids are involved in. Thank you for taking care of yourself and recognizing that the kids don’t have to do everything. Thank you for giving them some activities and driving them there, but how nice those nights are when we’re all together and relaxed. Sometimes we feel like our house is too cluttered, but I’d rather have a cluttered house than a cluttered calendar.
Thank you for supporting me by managing the passwords on all our devices. I’d like to think that if the passwords weren’t there I’d be okay, but when you say, “I’d prefer to keep the computer filter running. I prefer that Covenant Eyes stay installed,” I know that you love me. As you say, you do trust me, but you don’t want me to have to endure constant temptation. Thank you for loving me enough to insist on some basic safety practices.
There are things I have done that I pray I will never do again. I can’t understand how I ever did some of those things. Was I a different person then? Not really, I suppose. I just had a secret part of me that I have said good-bye to; now the real me is a lot more comfortable with my day-to-day activities. No new secrets. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for my old ways, and that’s okay with me. Forgiveness isn’t my priority; abstinence is. Forgiveness may come – it seems to come much easier from you – but what I really want is to live without porn for the rest of my life.
I will never forget when we sought counseling for our child, and the therapist turned her attention toward our relationship. Eventually, my “limited” use of porn (every few months at that time) was brought up. I thought I was doing pretty well compared to how things used to be. She asked you how you felt when I looked at porn. You sat in silence. She asked again, and a tear dripped down your cheek. You said, “I feel badly. I feel like he doesn’t love me.” That moment took me into real recovery. Your honesty and love is what led me to search for a way to break through my binge cycle.
Honey, I never use porn or masturbate now. I’m sorry that my childhood took me there. It stunted my emotional development in ways that still manifest themselves. Although I do not believe I will ever go back, I promise to be diligent and cautious and to do my best to avoid it, so that I never end up back in that compulsive cycle again.
Thank you for letting me know how much my acting out was hurting you. Thank you for supporting me through all of this darkness. I’ve always felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now I am close enough to see that the light is you.
Love,
Wes
Wes is the webmaster at http://www.no-porn.com/ and the author of the e-book “Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction.” He can be contacted at http://us.f376.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=contact@no-porn.com. His wife does not participate at MAPA, but she has read this letter.
Thank you for everything you are in my life. Thank you for the tremendous sacrifices you make on a daily basis. Thank you for setting such a remarkable example for our children. Your commitment to your studies since you returned to college has shown the kids far better than we could ever teach them otherwise the importance of an education. They see everything you do, and I am impressed at how well they do in school because they simply follow your example. It isn’t just a one-time example; it has been persistent over the past three years. Perhaps there are things I should be doing persistently by way of example for our children as well.
The children also feel of your love in our home. When you take time to teach them values that will last throughout their lives, when you insist on good manners, when you limit their television and video game privileges, and when you tuck them in and sing them songs, they feel of that love. When you give them hugs and kisses, they feel of that love.
Thank you for limiting the number of sports events and other extra curricular activities the kids are involved in. Thank you for taking care of yourself and recognizing that the kids don’t have to do everything. Thank you for giving them some activities and driving them there, but how nice those nights are when we’re all together and relaxed. Sometimes we feel like our house is too cluttered, but I’d rather have a cluttered house than a cluttered calendar.
Thank you for supporting me by managing the passwords on all our devices. I’d like to think that if the passwords weren’t there I’d be okay, but when you say, “I’d prefer to keep the computer filter running. I prefer that Covenant Eyes stay installed,” I know that you love me. As you say, you do trust me, but you don’t want me to have to endure constant temptation. Thank you for loving me enough to insist on some basic safety practices.
There are things I have done that I pray I will never do again. I can’t understand how I ever did some of those things. Was I a different person then? Not really, I suppose. I just had a secret part of me that I have said good-bye to; now the real me is a lot more comfortable with my day-to-day activities. No new secrets. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for my old ways, and that’s okay with me. Forgiveness isn’t my priority; abstinence is. Forgiveness may come – it seems to come much easier from you – but what I really want is to live without porn for the rest of my life.
I will never forget when we sought counseling for our child, and the therapist turned her attention toward our relationship. Eventually, my “limited” use of porn (every few months at that time) was brought up. I thought I was doing pretty well compared to how things used to be. She asked you how you felt when I looked at porn. You sat in silence. She asked again, and a tear dripped down your cheek. You said, “I feel badly. I feel like he doesn’t love me.” That moment took me into real recovery. Your honesty and love is what led me to search for a way to break through my binge cycle.
Honey, I never use porn or masturbate now. I’m sorry that my childhood took me there. It stunted my emotional development in ways that still manifest themselves. Although I do not believe I will ever go back, I promise to be diligent and cautious and to do my best to avoid it, so that I never end up back in that compulsive cycle again.
Thank you for letting me know how much my acting out was hurting you. Thank you for supporting me through all of this darkness. I’ve always felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now I am close enough to see that the light is you.
Love,
Wes
Wes is the webmaster at http://www.no-porn.com/ and the author of the e-book “Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction.” He can be contacted at http://us.f376.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=contact@no-porn.com. His wife does not participate at MAPA, but she has read this letter.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
The Robbery of the Soul
The Robbery of the Soul
By: toomuchenergy
For the past year and a half I have struggled to explain the co-addict side of pornography addiction, both to my spouse and to my one friend who knows about the situation. It has been futile and indescribable until a few days ago.
The revelation occurred when we got on our boat. My husband went down below and immediately asked me if I had been out on the boat. I said, “no, why?” Then the look of despair came over him and he said we’ve been robbed. They broke the latch and went into the front window. Anything that could fit through it was taken.
Immediately he went to the marina computer system to watch the videos of the surveillance cameras. He watched for a while and finally saw the perpetrators making their 1:45 thieving spree by water. He pointed out every detail. See the waves, they came by boat. There are three of them. Finally in frustration, he realized that the resolution was so fuzzy that their true identity would never show up on film.
It was reported and we went back to the boat. Despite the loss being under the deductible, bringing the crime into light was a must – a way to stop them from doing it again perhaps.Then, he goes under to take inventory of what all was taken. “I feel so violated” he said.
He searched every nook and cranny of storage for clues and missing items. Then the “I should have …” statements started. I should have taken the DVD player off. I should always park it close to the camera or put it in dry storage. I’m going to get a motion sensor alarm so if anyone else does this (this is the 2nd boat robbery) an alarm will sound and make them leave.
It spoiled the care-free day we had planned on the lake. It costs us hard earned money. It raised distrust for night outings after the marina closes. It violated our comfortable space.
For a moment I saw the clarity of living with this addiction. Through a robbery.
It was like a strobe light and whistles blowing: “Pornography addiction is a “robbery of the soul””.
It starts with a violation of something dear to us – fidelity. The lies to hide the violation erode and destroy trust. It makes us doubt ourselves and second guess our every move (and our worth as humans). We devise ways to catch the perp. We devise ways to stop the violation. We suffer losses of magnitudes far greater than objects. It clouds every special occasion we plan. It taps into our financial and emotional bank accounts. It robs the soul.
Calmly after assimilating the two “violations” I verbalized this to the ears of my perp. He didn’t want to linger there. He knows the damage and saw the similarities (magnified one million times, often daily in the absence of true recovery). Finally, I can describe this world I’ve been living in. Although the damage to the soul is far greater than any worldly object we hold dear.
By: toomuchenergy
For the past year and a half I have struggled to explain the co-addict side of pornography addiction, both to my spouse and to my one friend who knows about the situation. It has been futile and indescribable until a few days ago.
The revelation occurred when we got on our boat. My husband went down below and immediately asked me if I had been out on the boat. I said, “no, why?” Then the look of despair came over him and he said we’ve been robbed. They broke the latch and went into the front window. Anything that could fit through it was taken.
Immediately he went to the marina computer system to watch the videos of the surveillance cameras. He watched for a while and finally saw the perpetrators making their 1:45 thieving spree by water. He pointed out every detail. See the waves, they came by boat. There are three of them. Finally in frustration, he realized that the resolution was so fuzzy that their true identity would never show up on film.
It was reported and we went back to the boat. Despite the loss being under the deductible, bringing the crime into light was a must – a way to stop them from doing it again perhaps.Then, he goes under to take inventory of what all was taken. “I feel so violated” he said.
He searched every nook and cranny of storage for clues and missing items. Then the “I should have …” statements started. I should have taken the DVD player off. I should always park it close to the camera or put it in dry storage. I’m going to get a motion sensor alarm so if anyone else does this (this is the 2nd boat robbery) an alarm will sound and make them leave.
It spoiled the care-free day we had planned on the lake. It costs us hard earned money. It raised distrust for night outings after the marina closes. It violated our comfortable space.
For a moment I saw the clarity of living with this addiction. Through a robbery.
It was like a strobe light and whistles blowing: “Pornography addiction is a “robbery of the soul””.
It starts with a violation of something dear to us – fidelity. The lies to hide the violation erode and destroy trust. It makes us doubt ourselves and second guess our every move (and our worth as humans). We devise ways to catch the perp. We devise ways to stop the violation. We suffer losses of magnitudes far greater than objects. It clouds every special occasion we plan. It taps into our financial and emotional bank accounts. It robs the soul.
Calmly after assimilating the two “violations” I verbalized this to the ears of my perp. He didn’t want to linger there. He knows the damage and saw the similarities (magnified one million times, often daily in the absence of true recovery). Finally, I can describe this world I’ve been living in. Although the damage to the soul is far greater than any worldly object we hold dear.
Friday, April 27, 2007
My Shoulders Are My Own
My Shoulders Are My Own
By: Rain
Sad really how something so trivial can push someone over the edge. I’m looking down it right now.And it looks more appealing than where I am standing… way more.
I’m tired of it all. All of it.
I’m tired of explaining it over and over and over. I’m tired of being the only one truly working to keep this all going. The one walking upright, and on her own feet. And you know…. Down there, off the edge… looks like all those people are standing stronger and straighter than I am, with out the added weight to their shoulders. They can finally live truth. I want that.
I’m tired of dragging him along, he’s too god damn heavy. Wish for once he had his own two feet. Or use them. Wish for once, I could walk on my own with out looking back to make sure he’s coming, following me along in the path I’ve cut out.
I don’t want to point the way anymore. I am tired. Wish for once, he’d walk beside me in this… just beside me… and do it all on his own, while I get to stroll along and learn.
But, you know what I get when I step away and refuse to carry him? His screams that I need to pick him back up, help show him the way again… “I can’t do it alone, you already know how, so do it for me!!! I won't find my way and it will be your fault!!”
He never sees that he’s crushing me, he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t see that I’m at the cliff, looking back and forth, trying to decide what to do, where to go.. over or back. He’s too busy screaming from the ground. He doesn’t see, and he doesn’t care. He can’t, simply because he won’t.
If only he could just stand up, use his feet, walk over and take my hand… Walk next to me through this… the decision would be easy. I would go hand in hand on this journey and not even look back at the cliff.
I would embrace the fight again. Embrace him. But he doesn’t stand on his own, and I’m afraid he never will. So I stand here, looking back and forth. Back and forth… At him and the cliff…But, no matter which direction I chose to take, one thing is certain from here on out…
My shoulders are my own and I will no longer carry him. He’s on his own. I hope to not hear his screams for very long.
By: Rain
Sad really how something so trivial can push someone over the edge. I’m looking down it right now.And it looks more appealing than where I am standing… way more.
I’m tired of it all. All of it.
I’m tired of explaining it over and over and over. I’m tired of being the only one truly working to keep this all going. The one walking upright, and on her own feet. And you know…. Down there, off the edge… looks like all those people are standing stronger and straighter than I am, with out the added weight to their shoulders. They can finally live truth. I want that.
I’m tired of dragging him along, he’s too god damn heavy. Wish for once he had his own two feet. Or use them. Wish for once, I could walk on my own with out looking back to make sure he’s coming, following me along in the path I’ve cut out.
I don’t want to point the way anymore. I am tired. Wish for once, he’d walk beside me in this… just beside me… and do it all on his own, while I get to stroll along and learn.
But, you know what I get when I step away and refuse to carry him? His screams that I need to pick him back up, help show him the way again… “I can’t do it alone, you already know how, so do it for me!!! I won't find my way and it will be your fault!!”
He never sees that he’s crushing me, he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t see that I’m at the cliff, looking back and forth, trying to decide what to do, where to go.. over or back. He’s too busy screaming from the ground. He doesn’t see, and he doesn’t care. He can’t, simply because he won’t.
If only he could just stand up, use his feet, walk over and take my hand… Walk next to me through this… the decision would be easy. I would go hand in hand on this journey and not even look back at the cliff.
I would embrace the fight again. Embrace him. But he doesn’t stand on his own, and I’m afraid he never will. So I stand here, looking back and forth. Back and forth… At him and the cliff…But, no matter which direction I chose to take, one thing is certain from here on out…
My shoulders are my own and I will no longer carry him. He’s on his own. I hope to not hear his screams for very long.
By a Recovering Pornography Addict: D-day
D-day
Hi, I’m Herb. I’m a recovering pornography addict and compulsive masturbator.
I have read hundreds of posts by the partners of porn addicts talking about D-day. I take that to be the day that the awareness of the addiction and the extent of involvement in pornography became a reality. D-day is always a day of extreme pain. I have understood that D-day may not be a single event but a series of revelations, each more painful and revealing.
Addicts talk about bottoming out. That’s what I want to talk about. My personal D-day if you will.
A number of years ago I met my wife after work to shop and she had a few more errands to run so we parted and I headed home. I made a beeline for a small town north of us to return a porn video I had rented. My hope was to get home before her so she wouldn’t wonder where I had been. I dropped off the video and got home, relieved that she wasn’t there so I wouldn’t have to lie. Some amount of time passed and the phone rang.
When I answered she said; “I don’t want you to panic but I’m at the hospital in the emergency room.” She had t-boned a Lincoln Continental at highway speeds. She was, fortunately, not badly injured but the car was totaled.
My heart almost exploded in my chest. I said: “I’ll be right there” and proceeded to break every traffic law written to get to the hospital; the whole way praying that God wasn’t going to hurt her because of me. I got to the hospital and she was all hooked up to IV’s and monitors but looked ok, a little ashen.
Do you know what she said when I got there? “Where were you, I’ve been calling for over an hour?” The look in her eyes, the tone of loneliness and abandonment was like white hot iron. I wish I could have just dropped dead on the spot. The SHAME washed over me in torrents. Is that understandable at all? I wasn’t there for her because of a porn video—How insane is that?
This was my D-day. The day the shame and realization of the depth of my addiction came home to me. I had had suicidal thoughts before but I really wanted to die after that. I was worthless and evil and completely beyond redemption. It hurt.
I started active recovery that day. I established my own boundaries. I knew I was addicted, I think I always had. I resolved never to bring a porn vid or mag ever again into my home. I know, you’re saying great but you’re still protecting your habit. That is true. But I had to start somewhere. I had to de-escalate somehow.
It took me years to get past that. I did well for a long time then got a new career with hi-speed Internet and one (go ahead and laugh) inadvertent exposure to on-line porn image and BLAM, I was active in addiction again. The shame and feelings of worthlessness returned as if they had never been gone. They provided a rich environment for the addictive cycle to continue to spin.
That is the short story of my D-day. It took too long and too much pain to get any meaningful sobriety. It took confession and counseling at church, it took discussion with me wife (and that is like puking up the shame all at once) and it took work and reading and learning about addiction. It took a trusted friend to be able to open up with.
Pornography almost killed me and it is destroying lives and soul everyday. Sometimes it’s hard to own the past we have created but we need to take ownership of today and become sober. We need to look forward to tomorrow with hope and not the fear addiction breeds. We need to save our lives, no one else can do it for us.
Hi, I’m Herb. I’m a recovering pornography addict and compulsive masturbator.
I have read hundreds of posts by the partners of porn addicts talking about D-day. I take that to be the day that the awareness of the addiction and the extent of involvement in pornography became a reality. D-day is always a day of extreme pain. I have understood that D-day may not be a single event but a series of revelations, each more painful and revealing.
Addicts talk about bottoming out. That’s what I want to talk about. My personal D-day if you will.
A number of years ago I met my wife after work to shop and she had a few more errands to run so we parted and I headed home. I made a beeline for a small town north of us to return a porn video I had rented. My hope was to get home before her so she wouldn’t wonder where I had been. I dropped off the video and got home, relieved that she wasn’t there so I wouldn’t have to lie. Some amount of time passed and the phone rang.
When I answered she said; “I don’t want you to panic but I’m at the hospital in the emergency room.” She had t-boned a Lincoln Continental at highway speeds. She was, fortunately, not badly injured but the car was totaled.
My heart almost exploded in my chest. I said: “I’ll be right there” and proceeded to break every traffic law written to get to the hospital; the whole way praying that God wasn’t going to hurt her because of me. I got to the hospital and she was all hooked up to IV’s and monitors but looked ok, a little ashen.
Do you know what she said when I got there? “Where were you, I’ve been calling for over an hour?” The look in her eyes, the tone of loneliness and abandonment was like white hot iron. I wish I could have just dropped dead on the spot. The SHAME washed over me in torrents. Is that understandable at all? I wasn’t there for her because of a porn video—How insane is that?
This was my D-day. The day the shame and realization of the depth of my addiction came home to me. I had had suicidal thoughts before but I really wanted to die after that. I was worthless and evil and completely beyond redemption. It hurt.
I started active recovery that day. I established my own boundaries. I knew I was addicted, I think I always had. I resolved never to bring a porn vid or mag ever again into my home. I know, you’re saying great but you’re still protecting your habit. That is true. But I had to start somewhere. I had to de-escalate somehow.
It took me years to get past that. I did well for a long time then got a new career with hi-speed Internet and one (go ahead and laugh) inadvertent exposure to on-line porn image and BLAM, I was active in addiction again. The shame and feelings of worthlessness returned as if they had never been gone. They provided a rich environment for the addictive cycle to continue to spin.
That is the short story of my D-day. It took too long and too much pain to get any meaningful sobriety. It took confession and counseling at church, it took discussion with me wife (and that is like puking up the shame all at once) and it took work and reading and learning about addiction. It took a trusted friend to be able to open up with.
Pornography almost killed me and it is destroying lives and soul everyday. Sometimes it’s hard to own the past we have created but we need to take ownership of today and become sober. We need to look forward to tomorrow with hope and not the fear addiction breeds. We need to save our lives, no one else can do it for us.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Awards Dinner Honors Anti Porn Efforts
May 8 Awards Dinner honors anti-pornography efforts
San Francisco Archbishop George H. Niederauer will give dinner's keynote address
by Barbara Stinson LeeIntermountain Catholic
SALT LAKE CITY — If the face of the Hon. John Harmer, a former California state senator and lieutenant governor, appears worn and tired it’s because he is fighting a 40-year battle with images he doesn’t like to look at and words he hates to read. Harmer, the founder and chairman of the Lighted Candle Society, now in its sixth year, is leading a charge against pornography, whether it is found in magazines and books, movies and television, or popping up into our homes uninvited via the internet.
Harmer doesn’t fight this battle alone. On May 8 at the annual Guardian of the Light Awards Dinner at Little America in Salt Lake City, Harmer and the Lighted Candle Society will honor Michael Reagan and Pamela Atkinson for their efforts. San Francisco Archbishop George H. Niederauer, former president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, will give the keynote address at the dinner.
Reagan, the adopted son of the late President Ronald Reagan and his first wife, Jane Wyman, is the host of the conservative radio talk show, “The Michael Reagan Show,” is syndicated through Radio America. He will be honored for his anti-porn efforts on the national level. Atkinson, a local activist who took over the reigns of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography from Bishop
George Niederauer after he was named archbishop of San Francisco, will be recognized for her anti-porn stand on the local level.
In an interview with the Intermountain Catholic, Harmer said it is through the efforts of people like Reagan and Atkinson that the Lighted Candle Society is ready to achieve a much broader base.
“When I created the Society, I was aware of many similar organizations doing the same work. A lot of our money has gone to those organizations. I wanted to fill a void.”
Harmer has found that void – it is research and the training of law enforcement and prosecutors to effectively fight pornography in the courts on behalf of individuals who have suffered because of the use of pornography. “It is much like the court battles that have tackled tobacco marketing,” he said
In a new book Harmer co-wrote with Bountiful Researcher James B. Smith, “The Sex Industrial Complex: Americas Secret Combination, Pornographic Culture, Addiction and the Human Brain,” Harmer takes on corporate entities and the powerful movie industry “that are profiting from the production, distribution, and financing of pornography. They support each other and use presumably independent entities such as Planned Parenthood and the ACLU (The American Civil Liberties Union) to protect themselves.”
“The Sex Industrial Complex,” Harmer’s editor notes, “documents the rise and cultural saturation of pornographic propaganda and ideology throughout the 20th century. From the ACLU to MTV and motion pictures; Harmer lays out the history, social implications, and societal impact of a worldwide pornographic culture.”
Harmer said the research of Dr. Judith Reisman, to whom the book is dedicated, “reveals that frequent use of pornography creates addiction and brain damage in the structure and the function of the brain. Through the use of fMRI’s (functional magnetic resonance imaging) we can now watch the human brain react to the stimuli of violence and pornography.”
Dr. Reisman’s research and that of the University of Pennsylvania’s Dr. Mary Ann Leyden, Harmer said, provide the protocol for an estimated $2 million – $3 million study the Lighted Candle Society intends to undertake and publish on the harmful effects of pornography on the human brain.
“People have no idea how powerful and dangerous these images are and how pervasive they become to a person addicted to pornography,” Harmer said.
For further information about the Lighted Candle Society, The Guardian of the Light Awards Dinner, or “The Sex Industrial Complex” go to: www.lightedcandlesociety.org.
John Harmer, founder and chairman of the Lighted Candle Society, is a tireless fighter in the struggle against pornography. Working from offices in Washington, D.C. and Bountiful, Utah, he brings to light the dark world of pornography that is supported by some of the most reputable companies in the U.S. They have found that pornography is a profitable business.
San Francisco Archbishop George H. Niederauer will give dinner's keynote address
by Barbara Stinson LeeIntermountain Catholic
SALT LAKE CITY — If the face of the Hon. John Harmer, a former California state senator and lieutenant governor, appears worn and tired it’s because he is fighting a 40-year battle with images he doesn’t like to look at and words he hates to read. Harmer, the founder and chairman of the Lighted Candle Society, now in its sixth year, is leading a charge against pornography, whether it is found in magazines and books, movies and television, or popping up into our homes uninvited via the internet.
Harmer doesn’t fight this battle alone. On May 8 at the annual Guardian of the Light Awards Dinner at Little America in Salt Lake City, Harmer and the Lighted Candle Society will honor Michael Reagan and Pamela Atkinson for their efforts. San Francisco Archbishop George H. Niederauer, former president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, will give the keynote address at the dinner.
Reagan, the adopted son of the late President Ronald Reagan and his first wife, Jane Wyman, is the host of the conservative radio talk show, “The Michael Reagan Show,” is syndicated through Radio America. He will be honored for his anti-porn efforts on the national level. Atkinson, a local activist who took over the reigns of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography from Bishop
George Niederauer after he was named archbishop of San Francisco, will be recognized for her anti-porn stand on the local level.
In an interview with the Intermountain Catholic, Harmer said it is through the efforts of people like Reagan and Atkinson that the Lighted Candle Society is ready to achieve a much broader base.
“When I created the Society, I was aware of many similar organizations doing the same work. A lot of our money has gone to those organizations. I wanted to fill a void.”
Harmer has found that void – it is research and the training of law enforcement and prosecutors to effectively fight pornography in the courts on behalf of individuals who have suffered because of the use of pornography. “It is much like the court battles that have tackled tobacco marketing,” he said
In a new book Harmer co-wrote with Bountiful Researcher James B. Smith, “The Sex Industrial Complex: Americas Secret Combination, Pornographic Culture, Addiction and the Human Brain,” Harmer takes on corporate entities and the powerful movie industry “that are profiting from the production, distribution, and financing of pornography. They support each other and use presumably independent entities such as Planned Parenthood and the ACLU (The American Civil Liberties Union) to protect themselves.”
“The Sex Industrial Complex,” Harmer’s editor notes, “documents the rise and cultural saturation of pornographic propaganda and ideology throughout the 20th century. From the ACLU to MTV and motion pictures; Harmer lays out the history, social implications, and societal impact of a worldwide pornographic culture.”
Harmer said the research of Dr. Judith Reisman, to whom the book is dedicated, “reveals that frequent use of pornography creates addiction and brain damage in the structure and the function of the brain. Through the use of fMRI’s (functional magnetic resonance imaging) we can now watch the human brain react to the stimuli of violence and pornography.”
Dr. Reisman’s research and that of the University of Pennsylvania’s Dr. Mary Ann Leyden, Harmer said, provide the protocol for an estimated $2 million – $3 million study the Lighted Candle Society intends to undertake and publish on the harmful effects of pornography on the human brain.
“People have no idea how powerful and dangerous these images are and how pervasive they become to a person addicted to pornography,” Harmer said.
For further information about the Lighted Candle Society, The Guardian of the Light Awards Dinner, or “The Sex Industrial Complex” go to: www.lightedcandlesociety.org.
John Harmer, founder and chairman of the Lighted Candle Society, is a tireless fighter in the struggle against pornography. Working from offices in Washington, D.C. and Bountiful, Utah, he brings to light the dark world of pornography that is supported by some of the most reputable companies in the U.S. They have found that pornography is a profitable business.
Disney Employees Arrested In Sex Sting
Disney Employees Among 28 Arrested In Sex Sting
POSTED: 7:48 am EDT April 2, 2007
UPDATED: 11:30 pm EDT April 2, 2007
POLK COUNTY, Fla. -- An undercover sting operation in Polk County led to 28 arrests of people charged with soliciting sex from children online.
SLIDESHOW: Mug Shots Of All Arrested Suspects
Of those arrested, three men told authorities they were Disney employees, according to a sheriff's office report.
Sheriff's office spokeswoman Donna Wood said a number of agencies worked together to set up the sting at a Polk County home. The detectives set up a shop in a rented house and they filled the upstairs with computers and phones.
The detectives then acted as 13- and 14-year-old girls, entering fictitious names and profiles in chat rooms and chatted with the suspects. The reactions varied from the men who showed up to find law enforcement there waiting for them.
"Using undercover officers, the suspects chatted online with people whom they believed to be boys and girls, ages 13 and 14," Wood said.
When the suspects stopped in over the weekend, they were arrested. Three men arrested in the sting told authorities they were Disney employees: Julio Segundo, 21, of Orlando; Richard Gaugh, 55, of Ormond Beach; and Thierry Ferron, 43, of Winter Garden. All three were charged with soliciting a minor via the internet and attempted lewd battery.
"We take matters like this very seriously," Disney said in a statement released Monday. "The cast members have been placed on unpaid leave."
According to Disney, none of the three employees arrested worked directly with children. The company said all cast members must pass background checks when they're hired.
Segundo and Gaugh remained in jail awaiting bail on Monday. Ferry posted bond and was released Sunday. It was not immediately known if the men had attorneys.
The Polk County sheriff had a stern warning for parents.
"This is a guy who's going to come into your home while you are gone, and your kids are here on spring break, and have sex with your 13-year-old child," said Sheriff Grady Judd.
2007 by WFTV.com.
POSTED: 7:48 am EDT April 2, 2007
UPDATED: 11:30 pm EDT April 2, 2007
POLK COUNTY, Fla. -- An undercover sting operation in Polk County led to 28 arrests of people charged with soliciting sex from children online.
SLIDESHOW: Mug Shots Of All Arrested Suspects
Of those arrested, three men told authorities they were Disney employees, according to a sheriff's office report.
Sheriff's office spokeswoman Donna Wood said a number of agencies worked together to set up the sting at a Polk County home. The detectives set up a shop in a rented house and they filled the upstairs with computers and phones.
The detectives then acted as 13- and 14-year-old girls, entering fictitious names and profiles in chat rooms and chatted with the suspects. The reactions varied from the men who showed up to find law enforcement there waiting for them.
"Using undercover officers, the suspects chatted online with people whom they believed to be boys and girls, ages 13 and 14," Wood said.
When the suspects stopped in over the weekend, they were arrested. Three men arrested in the sting told authorities they were Disney employees: Julio Segundo, 21, of Orlando; Richard Gaugh, 55, of Ormond Beach; and Thierry Ferron, 43, of Winter Garden. All three were charged with soliciting a minor via the internet and attempted lewd battery.
"We take matters like this very seriously," Disney said in a statement released Monday. "The cast members have been placed on unpaid leave."
According to Disney, none of the three employees arrested worked directly with children. The company said all cast members must pass background checks when they're hired.
Segundo and Gaugh remained in jail awaiting bail on Monday. Ferry posted bond and was released Sunday. It was not immediately known if the men had attorneys.
The Polk County sheriff had a stern warning for parents.
"This is a guy who's going to come into your home while you are gone, and your kids are here on spring break, and have sex with your 13-year-old child," said Sheriff Grady Judd.
2007 by WFTV.com.
Disney Executive Accused of Molesting Boy
Disney Executive Accused Of Molesting Boy In Spa
Dave ClarkReporting
(CBS) LOS ANGELES A 43-year-old man was freed on bail Friday after being arrested on suspicion of molesting a 13-year-old boy in a Fairfax-area condominium complex gym.
Ludovic Cremers, 43, was arrested Thursday following a three-week investigation into allegations that he molested the child in late July, Los Angeles police Lt. Paul Vernon said.
Cremers, a Disney marketing executive, posted $100,000 bail on Friday morning.The management of the Palazzo at Park La Brea, a condominium complex in the Fairfax district, told authorities in early August that two people reported seeing Cremers engaging in "inappropriate acts" in the complex's gymnasium.
Those witnesses said Cremers touched himself in a shower in plain view of the boy, who was sitting in a nearby hot tub.Cremers sat down next to the boy in the hot tub and reached toward the boy's groin under the water, the witnesses said.Detectives contacted the boy, who confirmed the acts.
The Los Angeles District Attorney's Office has agreed to file one count of lewd and lascivious acts with a child under 14, Vernon said. Cremers is a native of Hungary who works in marketing for a large entertainment company. He last lived in Kentucky, and authorities are looking for other possible victims. "Mr. Cremers has no criminal history that we know of locally, but he's only been in the Los Angeles area a short while," Vernon said. "We are releasing his photograph as a way to forewarn the public and see if there are any more victims." Anyone with more information on the suspect can call LAPD Detective Roger Kohler at (213) 473-0418 or (877) 529-3855.
2006 CBS Broadcasting Inc.
Dave ClarkReporting
(CBS) LOS ANGELES A 43-year-old man was freed on bail Friday after being arrested on suspicion of molesting a 13-year-old boy in a Fairfax-area condominium complex gym.
Ludovic Cremers, 43, was arrested Thursday following a three-week investigation into allegations that he molested the child in late July, Los Angeles police Lt. Paul Vernon said.
Cremers, a Disney marketing executive, posted $100,000 bail on Friday morning.The management of the Palazzo at Park La Brea, a condominium complex in the Fairfax district, told authorities in early August that two people reported seeing Cremers engaging in "inappropriate acts" in the complex's gymnasium.
Those witnesses said Cremers touched himself in a shower in plain view of the boy, who was sitting in a nearby hot tub.Cremers sat down next to the boy in the hot tub and reached toward the boy's groin under the water, the witnesses said.Detectives contacted the boy, who confirmed the acts.
The Los Angeles District Attorney's Office has agreed to file one count of lewd and lascivious acts with a child under 14, Vernon said. Cremers is a native of Hungary who works in marketing for a large entertainment company. He last lived in Kentucky, and authorities are looking for other possible victims. "Mr. Cremers has no criminal history that we know of locally, but he's only been in the Los Angeles area a short while," Vernon said. "We are releasing his photograph as a way to forewarn the public and see if there are any more victims." Anyone with more information on the suspect can call LAPD Detective Roger Kohler at (213) 473-0418 or (877) 529-3855.
2006 CBS Broadcasting Inc.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Porn and Pancakes
'Porn & Pancakes' fights X-rated addictions
POSTED: 11:31 a.m. EDT, April 5, 2007 CNN.com
Story Highlights• Every second, approximately 28,258 Internet users are viewing
pornography• Breakfast event helps men discuss how pornography affects their
lives• Craig Gross founded XXXChurch.com to battle against porn industry• A
Kentucky organization uses biblical counseling to break addictions
More on CNN TV: Questions of sex and salvation. What is a Christian? An "Anderson Cooper 360°" special report, Thursday, 10 p.m. ET.");}
By Jason Rovou CNN
MORTON, Illinois (CNN) -- At 8 o'clock on a recent Saturday morning, more than 250 men gathered at New Life Christian Church in Morton, Illinois, for a breakfast of porn and pancakes.
The event, not as titillating as it sounds, is the brainchild of Craig Gross, founder of the online Christian ministry, XXXChurch.com.
Gross concocted the idea of "Porn & Pancakes" as a way to get Christians and church officials to talk about pornography addiction.
It's a problem, he said, that is growing, among Christian communities.
Over the smell of maple syrup and sausage, Gross and other guest speakers -- including a former producer of pornography -- talk to the men about how pornography negatively affects their lives, including relationships with their families and with God. The men who come to hear them speak want to make sure they don't develop a problem themselves.
"A lot of people think Christians sure don't struggle with this," Gross said. "The stats don't lie: Christians are consuming pornography. And to me, it's not a surprise."
A nonscientific poll on XXXChurch.com found that 70 percent of Christians admitted to struggling with porn in their daily lives. Church officials are not immune either. According to Gross, some 76 percent of pastors he surveyed said they, too, have a problem. Gross says he's not surprised so many Christians find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, considering just how mainstream and easily accessible it has become.
Adult entertainment is an enormous business in the United States, taking in an estimated $12 billion annually. Every second, approximately 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography, according to the Internet Filter Review. With some 4.2 million pornographic Web sites to explore, many Christians find themselves unable to turn away.
'Jesus Loves Porn Stars'
Gross started his ministry to spark discussion on a topic he found to be largely ignored within religious circles. The breakfast meetings are just part of that ministry.
His organization attends adult industry conventions, handing out bibles to pornography fans and workers that read "Jesus Loves Porn Stars." Gross travels the country having friendly debates on college campuses with iconic porn star Ron Jeremy on the effects of pornography. And XXXChurch.com also offers free accountability software, which Gross says has been downloaded by 300,000 people. It works by sending reports to a couple of trusted persons -- a friend, a wife, a pastor -- about which Web sites have been visited.
While Gross' ministry tries to prevent Christians from developing a problem, other organizations cater to those who say they have nowhere else to turn.
Jerry -- who asked that his last name not be used -- said he began looking at pornography at a young age and has, by his account, spent thousands of hours surfing the web, looking at adult magazines and utilizing chat rooms.
"I was in it, as much as possible," he said. "Just like an alcoholic or someone who has an addiction to drugs."
Jerry is one of the 55 men living at Pure Life Christian Ministries in rural Williamstown, Kentucky, who have come here to as a last resort to reclaim their lives and their Christian values.
The ministries offer a six month, live-in treatment program for men with sexual addictions. At the facility, which claims to be the only one of its kind in the country, counselors take a biblical approach to healing instead of a psychological one.
The live-in program demands intense Bible study and discipline from the residents. Each day is structured for work, prayer, and one-on-one biblical counseling, where the men study scriptural lessons on guilt, anger, depression and selfishness. The men are cut off from the outside world and any outside stimulation. There is no television, Internet or cell phones. Mail is even screened for clothing catalogues with what could be considered inappropriate images.
Over the past 15 years, more than 600 men have come here to detox from their porn addictions.
'Their soul's in danger'
"We actually understand their soul's in danger," said Jeff Colón, the head counselor here who went through the program 13 years ago to save himself from his own pornography and sexual addictions. "When the men come to us, they've gotten to the end of their rope."
"Jerry" said his compulsions were robbing his young son and wife from a normal family life.
"It was killing me, from the inside. I was riddled with guilt," he said. "And by the grace of God, he pulled me out of that pit, and brought me here, before it got to a point to where ... who knows? I mean I could have ended up anywhere."
While Jerry and other program residents are working hard to leave their addictions behind, the true test of their willpower and faith will come after they return to the real world, where Colón said they'll be bombarded with sexual images on television, in advertising and on the computer.
"We do live in a sexualized culture, and it is difficult for these men when they leave here," he said. "It doesn't help."
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
How Widespread Is It Among Our Judiciary that Sex With Children is a "Natural Impulse?"
THE JUDGE SAYS: "When I say that, it's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted to young women..I mean women from the time they're 1 all the way up until they're 100." Maddox noted the legal terms malum in se, a Latin phrase meaning an act that is "inherently evil," and malum prohibitum, which means acts that are not necessarily inherently immoral or hurtful, only wrong by statute. He said child pornography could be considered malum prohibitum because in some countries and cultures it is acceptable to engage in sexual conduct with young girls."
--Carson City, Nevada District Judge Bill Maddox
by F.T. NortonAppeal Staff Writer, ftnorton@nevadaappeal.com
March 28, 2007A Carson City man was sentenced to up to 18 years in prison on Tuesday for possessing more than 800 images of child pornography.
Jason Excell, 36, pleaded guilty to 10 counts of possession of child pornography. In exchange for the plea, additional charges were dismissed.
"These kinds of offenses are problems with impulse control," said Carson City District Judge Bill Maddox prior to sentencing. "When I say that, it's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted to young women. When I say young women I don't just mean women that ... you should be attracted to. I mean women from the time they're 1 all the way up until they're 100."
Maddox noted the legal terms malum in se, a Latin phrase meaning an act that is "inherently evil," and malum prohibitum, which means acts that are not necessarily inherently immoral or hurtful, only wrong by statute. He said child pornography could be considered malum prohibitum because in some countries and cultures it is acceptable to engage in sexual conduct with young girls."
"As an example, having sex with a girl between 12 and 16 is prohibited because we say it's prohibited. It's because we decided as a civilized society you do not want adults engaging in sexual conduct with children below 16 years of age, which flies in the face of our, I guess for lack of a better description, our normal impulses," he said.
"I guess we could just ignore them, say it's just like a traffic ticket, it's malum prohibitum, it's only against the law because it's prohibited. Or we could say that because we're trying to control what's an otherwise natural impulse there has to be consequences."The bottom line on it all is the way we're going to control it in my opinion is to ensure that everybody understands what the consequences are if you engage in ... a lack of impulse control. It's likely that most people would find young girls sexually attractive. But we're civilized to the point that we're taught to control our impulses. When you don't, there has to be consequences."
In sentencing Excell, Maddox said he wanted to send a message to others in the community who might possess images of child porn."I want it to be clear to anybody out there that is thinking of downloading them or getting them on CD or ordering them through the mail or whatever, if you get caught possessing them you're going to go to prison in Carson City," he said. Excell was arrested March 3, 2006, after his wife turned over photographs she found on his computer.
According to Deputy District Attorney Kristin Luis, the images are of children "easily under the age of 10," being sexually violated by adults or engaging in sex with other children.
She said at least 88 of the photographs were of children who have been identified by federal authorities through other child pornography cases nationwide. Maddox could have sentenced Excell to between 10 and 60 years. Parole and probation suggested a sentence of two to 12 years. Maddox opted for an additional six years on Excell's sentence so that if he were paroled, he'd be under state supervision longer. Excell is eligible for parole in two years. He was given credit for serving 391 days in jail.
. Contact reporter F.T. Norton at ftnorton@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1213.
Transcripts of sentencing of Jason Excell on child porn charges:1 Case No. 06-01651C2
Department No. IIIN THE FIRST JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURTSTATE OF NEVADA, COUNTY OF CARSON CITYHONORABLE WILLIAM MADDOX
THE STATE OF NEVADA,PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS
Plaintiff, JUDGE'S RULINGvs.
MARCH 27, 2007CARSON CITY, NEVADA
JASON ERIC EXCELL,Defendant.
APPEARANCES:FOR THE PLAINTIFF: OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEYBy: KRISTIN N. LUIS, ESQ.885 E. Musser St., Room 203017 Carson City, Nevada 8970318FOR
THE DEFENDANT: OFFICE OF THE PUBLIC DEFENDER19 By: KARIN K. KREIZENBECK, ESQ.RobinsonCarson City, Nevada 89701
FOR DEPT. PAROLE & PROBATION: SHERYL EILENFELDTSUNSHINE REPORTING SERVICES(775) 883-7950 or (775) 323-3411
REPORTED BY: STEPHANIE ZOLKOWSKI, CCR 283COMPUTER-ASSISTED TRANSCRIPTION BY: caseCATalystSUNSHINE REPORTING SERVICES (775) 323-3411CARSON CITY, NEVADA, TUESDAY, MARCH 27, 2007, 11:10 AM
THE COURT: Is there any legal cause to show4 why judgement shouldn't be entered?
MS. KREIZENBECK: No, Your honor.
THE COURT: There being no legal cause toshow why judgement shouldn't be entered, it will bethe judgment of the Court that Jason Eric Excell isguilty of Counts I through X, all category B -- well,Counts I through X, Possession of Child Pornography,first offenses, category B -- felonies, as defined byNRS 200.730 subsection 1.It will be the sentence of the Court that youpay a $25 administrative assessment fee, $60 chemicalanalysis fee and $150 DNA fee.I have been doing -- I have been in the criminal justice system in the State of Nevada andprobably all over the United States for almost 30 years, Mr. Excell. I was the primary person in the DistrictAttorney's office when I was a District Attorney who prosecuted child abuse cases. I consider sexualoffenses against children as abuse. I have come to I think understand a little bit about -- the doctor here didn't really add much tomy knowledge about it. When I was US Attorney my office prosecuted a lot of significant types. One of them was a guy namedRuben Sterling who was the largest pornographer in the world. We prosecuted him.
So I have been involved and had a lot of time to think about it, dealt with victims and even had occasion when I was in private practice to defendpeople accused of it. I have had a lot of experience with this.
It's my impression from all the experts that I have talked to, and it's been a fair number of them, that the doctor, the way he put it, isn't quite theway I put it. These kinds of offenses are problems with impulse control. When I say that it's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted toyoung women. When I say young women I don't just mean women that are appropriately you should be attracted to. I mean women from the time they're one all the way up until they're a hundred.
In some societies it's acceptable to be engaging in sexual conduct with women that are eleven, twelve-, thirteen-years-old. So we overlay that with laws that prohibit any sexual contact with children under 14 and any intercourse with children under 16, which means that those kinds of crimes are not what are called malum prohibitum, evil of themselves, they're crimes that are called malum prohibitum. As an example, having sex with a girl between12 and 16 is prohibited because we say it's prohibited.It's because we decided as a civilized society you do not want adults engaging in sexual conduct with children below 16 years of age, which flies in the face of our, I guess for lack of a better description, our normal impulses.
So what's the answer to that? What's the answer? How do we enforce those laws?I guess we could just ignore them, say it's just like a traffic ticket, it's malum prohibitum, it's only against the law because it's prohibited.
Or we could say that because we're trying to control what's an otherwise natural impulse there has to be consequences. There has to be consequences.
And in the overall scheme of things you're not even close to being the worst offender of our sexual morass that I have seen.4I have prosecuted fathers who force their 14-year old daughter to perform fellatio on them or 20-, 30-year old guy performing sexual acts on a seven-year old girl. Ruben Sterling who purveyed films of people having sex with animals. I have seen a wide spectrum. The bottom line on it all is the way we're8 going to control it in my opinion is to insure that everybody understands what the consequences are if you engage in and it's a lack of impulse control.
It's likely that most people would find young girls sexually attractive.
But we're civilized to the point that we're taught to control our impulses. When you don't, there has to be consequences. So having said all of that, I don't think you're someone that society needs to isolate. I don't -- you can argue about retribution. I don't know who I would be obtaining that for. Rehabilitation. You'll be on parole and you'll be able to get counseling which I absolutely suggest that you do.
I don't know if you have been specifically deterred from engaging in this type of conduct again. But what I do know is, and I have said it before, I want it to be clear what the consequences in this community are of engaging in this kind of conduct that you engaged in. So I'm not going to give you probation.I'm just sitting here and calculating it out. Based on the number of Counts you pled to I could sentence you to 23 years to 60 years which would bethe maximum. I'm not going to do that. Parole and Probation is recommending that I sentence you four years to eighteen -- to four years, eight months to eleven years, two months. I'm not going to do that.
The sentence is going to be on Count I I'll sentence you from 12 to 72 months. Count II I'll sentence you from 12 to 72 months. Actually, I'll sentence you 12 to 72 months on all ten Counts. I'm going to run Counts I, II and III consecutive, which means you're going to be required to spend 36 months to three times 72, whatever that is. My thought process there is that that will allow for you to be supervised for 18 years but you only serve three years in prison, assuming that you get paroled at your first parole date which based on your criminal history and other factors, like I say, you could not be lower on the sexual offender scale.About the only thing that gets you right off the bottom would be the fact you asked that girl to take her clothes off. But other than that I can't imagine someone being lower on the offender scale than you are. On the other hand, and Ms. Kreizenbeck said it, if there isn't a market for these kinds of9 photographs, then hopefully their production will be considerably reduced. To your credit you didn't engage in producing them. You have looks like acted out on your impulse other than that one time. That's really what it's about. It's impulse control.he doctor made the observation not having any substance abuse problems. What happens? You drink, you don't control your impulses as well as you8 should. You use drugs, you don't control your impulses as well as you should. You obviously have less impulse control than I might or other people. I definitely would suggest you don't drink or use drugs, especially if you're going to be around children. But this will give you a sentence of 36 to216 months. The rest of them will be run concurrent. You're given credit for -
MS. EILENFELDT: 391 days.Your honor, there is no chemical analysis fee. So please scratch that.
THE COURT: I want it to be clear to anybody out there that is thinking of downloading them or getting them on CD or ordering them through the mailor whatever, if you get caught possessing them you're going to go to prison in Carson City. That's what is going to happen to you.I don't know it's necessary to specifically deter you but what I would hope is it would be clear to others here thinking about doing the same thing and4 maybe at some point we can accomplish there being no demand for them and, therefore, they won't be produced.Anything more?MS. LUIS: No, Your honor.
THE COURT: That will be the sentence of the court.Good luck, Mr. Excell.(Proceedings concluded at 12:15 p.m.)1 STATE OF NEVADA )) ss.2 CARSON COUNTY )5 I, STEPHANIE ZOLKOWSKI, an Official Reporter of6 the First Judicial District Court of the State of7 Nevada, County of Carson, DO HEREBY CERTIFY: That I was present in the above-entitled Court on MARCH 27, 2007, and took verbatim stenotype notes10 of the proceedings had upon the matter captioned1 within, and thereafter transcribed them into2 typewriting as herein appears;13 That the partial foregoing transcript, consisting of pages 1 through 8, is a full, true andcorrect transcription of my stenotype notes of saidproceedings.17 DATED: At Carson City, Nevada, this________day18 of____________________________, 2007.
--Carson City, Nevada District Judge Bill Maddox
by F.T. NortonAppeal Staff Writer, ftnorton@nevadaappeal.com
March 28, 2007A Carson City man was sentenced to up to 18 years in prison on Tuesday for possessing more than 800 images of child pornography.
Jason Excell, 36, pleaded guilty to 10 counts of possession of child pornography. In exchange for the plea, additional charges were dismissed.
"These kinds of offenses are problems with impulse control," said Carson City District Judge Bill Maddox prior to sentencing. "When I say that, it's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted to young women. When I say young women I don't just mean women that ... you should be attracted to. I mean women from the time they're 1 all the way up until they're 100."
Maddox noted the legal terms malum in se, a Latin phrase meaning an act that is "inherently evil," and malum prohibitum, which means acts that are not necessarily inherently immoral or hurtful, only wrong by statute. He said child pornography could be considered malum prohibitum because in some countries and cultures it is acceptable to engage in sexual conduct with young girls."
"As an example, having sex with a girl between 12 and 16 is prohibited because we say it's prohibited. It's because we decided as a civilized society you do not want adults engaging in sexual conduct with children below 16 years of age, which flies in the face of our, I guess for lack of a better description, our normal impulses," he said.
"I guess we could just ignore them, say it's just like a traffic ticket, it's malum prohibitum, it's only against the law because it's prohibited. Or we could say that because we're trying to control what's an otherwise natural impulse there has to be consequences."The bottom line on it all is the way we're going to control it in my opinion is to ensure that everybody understands what the consequences are if you engage in ... a lack of impulse control. It's likely that most people would find young girls sexually attractive. But we're civilized to the point that we're taught to control our impulses. When you don't, there has to be consequences."
In sentencing Excell, Maddox said he wanted to send a message to others in the community who might possess images of child porn."I want it to be clear to anybody out there that is thinking of downloading them or getting them on CD or ordering them through the mail or whatever, if you get caught possessing them you're going to go to prison in Carson City," he said. Excell was arrested March 3, 2006, after his wife turned over photographs she found on his computer.
According to Deputy District Attorney Kristin Luis, the images are of children "easily under the age of 10," being sexually violated by adults or engaging in sex with other children.
She said at least 88 of the photographs were of children who have been identified by federal authorities through other child pornography cases nationwide. Maddox could have sentenced Excell to between 10 and 60 years. Parole and probation suggested a sentence of two to 12 years. Maddox opted for an additional six years on Excell's sentence so that if he were paroled, he'd be under state supervision longer. Excell is eligible for parole in two years. He was given credit for serving 391 days in jail.
. Contact reporter F.T. Norton at ftnorton@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1213.
Transcripts of sentencing of Jason Excell on child porn charges:1 Case No. 06-01651C2
Department No. IIIN THE FIRST JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURTSTATE OF NEVADA, COUNTY OF CARSON CITYHONORABLE WILLIAM MADDOX
THE STATE OF NEVADA,PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS
Plaintiff, JUDGE'S RULINGvs.
MARCH 27, 2007CARSON CITY, NEVADA
JASON ERIC EXCELL,Defendant.
APPEARANCES:FOR THE PLAINTIFF: OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEYBy: KRISTIN N. LUIS, ESQ.885 E. Musser St., Room 203017 Carson City, Nevada 8970318FOR
THE DEFENDANT: OFFICE OF THE PUBLIC DEFENDER19 By: KARIN K. KREIZENBECK, ESQ.RobinsonCarson City, Nevada 89701
FOR DEPT. PAROLE & PROBATION: SHERYL EILENFELDTSUNSHINE REPORTING SERVICES(775) 883-7950 or (775) 323-3411
REPORTED BY: STEPHANIE ZOLKOWSKI, CCR 283COMPUTER-ASSISTED TRANSCRIPTION BY: caseCATalystSUNSHINE REPORTING SERVICES (775) 323-3411CARSON CITY, NEVADA, TUESDAY, MARCH 27, 2007, 11:10 AM
THE COURT: Is there any legal cause to show4 why judgement shouldn't be entered?
MS. KREIZENBECK: No, Your honor.
THE COURT: There being no legal cause toshow why judgement shouldn't be entered, it will bethe judgment of the Court that Jason Eric Excell isguilty of Counts I through X, all category B -- well,Counts I through X, Possession of Child Pornography,first offenses, category B -- felonies, as defined byNRS 200.730 subsection 1.It will be the sentence of the Court that youpay a $25 administrative assessment fee, $60 chemicalanalysis fee and $150 DNA fee.I have been doing -- I have been in the criminal justice system in the State of Nevada andprobably all over the United States for almost 30 years, Mr. Excell. I was the primary person in the DistrictAttorney's office when I was a District Attorney who prosecuted child abuse cases. I consider sexualoffenses against children as abuse. I have come to I think understand a little bit about -- the doctor here didn't really add much tomy knowledge about it. When I was US Attorney my office prosecuted a lot of significant types. One of them was a guy namedRuben Sterling who was the largest pornographer in the world. We prosecuted him.
So I have been involved and had a lot of time to think about it, dealt with victims and even had occasion when I was in private practice to defendpeople accused of it. I have had a lot of experience with this.
It's my impression from all the experts that I have talked to, and it's been a fair number of them, that the doctor, the way he put it, isn't quite theway I put it. These kinds of offenses are problems with impulse control. When I say that it's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted toyoung women. When I say young women I don't just mean women that are appropriately you should be attracted to. I mean women from the time they're one all the way up until they're a hundred.
In some societies it's acceptable to be engaging in sexual conduct with women that are eleven, twelve-, thirteen-years-old. So we overlay that with laws that prohibit any sexual contact with children under 14 and any intercourse with children under 16, which means that those kinds of crimes are not what are called malum prohibitum, evil of themselves, they're crimes that are called malum prohibitum. As an example, having sex with a girl between12 and 16 is prohibited because we say it's prohibited.It's because we decided as a civilized society you do not want adults engaging in sexual conduct with children below 16 years of age, which flies in the face of our, I guess for lack of a better description, our normal impulses.
So what's the answer to that? What's the answer? How do we enforce those laws?I guess we could just ignore them, say it's just like a traffic ticket, it's malum prohibitum, it's only against the law because it's prohibited.
Or we could say that because we're trying to control what's an otherwise natural impulse there has to be consequences. There has to be consequences.
And in the overall scheme of things you're not even close to being the worst offender of our sexual morass that I have seen.4I have prosecuted fathers who force their 14-year old daughter to perform fellatio on them or 20-, 30-year old guy performing sexual acts on a seven-year old girl. Ruben Sterling who purveyed films of people having sex with animals. I have seen a wide spectrum. The bottom line on it all is the way we're8 going to control it in my opinion is to insure that everybody understands what the consequences are if you engage in and it's a lack of impulse control.
It's likely that most people would find young girls sexually attractive.
But we're civilized to the point that we're taught to control our impulses. When you don't, there has to be consequences. So having said all of that, I don't think you're someone that society needs to isolate. I don't -- you can argue about retribution. I don't know who I would be obtaining that for. Rehabilitation. You'll be on parole and you'll be able to get counseling which I absolutely suggest that you do.
I don't know if you have been specifically deterred from engaging in this type of conduct again. But what I do know is, and I have said it before, I want it to be clear what the consequences in this community are of engaging in this kind of conduct that you engaged in. So I'm not going to give you probation.I'm just sitting here and calculating it out. Based on the number of Counts you pled to I could sentence you to 23 years to 60 years which would bethe maximum. I'm not going to do that. Parole and Probation is recommending that I sentence you four years to eighteen -- to four years, eight months to eleven years, two months. I'm not going to do that.
The sentence is going to be on Count I I'll sentence you from 12 to 72 months. Count II I'll sentence you from 12 to 72 months. Actually, I'll sentence you 12 to 72 months on all ten Counts. I'm going to run Counts I, II and III consecutive, which means you're going to be required to spend 36 months to three times 72, whatever that is. My thought process there is that that will allow for you to be supervised for 18 years but you only serve three years in prison, assuming that you get paroled at your first parole date which based on your criminal history and other factors, like I say, you could not be lower on the sexual offender scale.About the only thing that gets you right off the bottom would be the fact you asked that girl to take her clothes off. But other than that I can't imagine someone being lower on the offender scale than you are. On the other hand, and Ms. Kreizenbeck said it, if there isn't a market for these kinds of9 photographs, then hopefully their production will be considerably reduced. To your credit you didn't engage in producing them. You have looks like acted out on your impulse other than that one time. That's really what it's about. It's impulse control.he doctor made the observation not having any substance abuse problems. What happens? You drink, you don't control your impulses as well as you8 should. You use drugs, you don't control your impulses as well as you should. You obviously have less impulse control than I might or other people. I definitely would suggest you don't drink or use drugs, especially if you're going to be around children. But this will give you a sentence of 36 to216 months. The rest of them will be run concurrent. You're given credit for -
MS. EILENFELDT: 391 days.Your honor, there is no chemical analysis fee. So please scratch that.
THE COURT: I want it to be clear to anybody out there that is thinking of downloading them or getting them on CD or ordering them through the mailor whatever, if you get caught possessing them you're going to go to prison in Carson City. That's what is going to happen to you.I don't know it's necessary to specifically deter you but what I would hope is it would be clear to others here thinking about doing the same thing and4 maybe at some point we can accomplish there being no demand for them and, therefore, they won't be produced.Anything more?MS. LUIS: No, Your honor.
THE COURT: That will be the sentence of the court.Good luck, Mr. Excell.(Proceedings concluded at 12:15 p.m.)1 STATE OF NEVADA )) ss.2 CARSON COUNTY )5 I, STEPHANIE ZOLKOWSKI, an Official Reporter of6 the First Judicial District Court of the State of7 Nevada, County of Carson, DO HEREBY CERTIFY: That I was present in the above-entitled Court on MARCH 27, 2007, and took verbatim stenotype notes10 of the proceedings had upon the matter captioned1 within, and thereafter transcribed them into2 typewriting as herein appears;13 That the partial foregoing transcript, consisting of pages 1 through 8, is a full, true andcorrect transcription of my stenotype notes of saidproceedings.17 DATED: At Carson City, Nevada, this________day18 of____________________________, 2007.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Can Pornography Damage The Teenage Brain?
Hon. John L. Harmer: Pornography damages teen brains
by: Jenniffer Wardell
Can pornography actually damage the teenage brain?
That’s one of the assertions lawyer and former California legislator and Lt. Governor under Governor Ronald Reagan, the Hon. John L. Harmer makes in his latest book, The Sex Industrial Complex. Exploring MRI research gathered by Dr. Judith Reisman, president of Arizona’s Institute for Media Education, the book claims that exposing a young person’s developing brain to pornography rewires neural connections to create a lasting addiction to pleasure-inducing brain chemicals Reisman refers to as “Erotoxins.” “Pornography creates a chemical addiction in the same way cigarettes and alcohol do,” said Harmer.
In his book, Harmer cites sources from the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the British National Addiction Centre to describe how dopamine, a key drug released by the brain during arousal, has the same effect as cocaine or speed and can create the same addictions in the brain.
For children and teens, Harmer feels that the addiction could be even stronger and more damaging. The amygdala, the part of the brain that controls fear and other “gut” reactions, develops at a much younger age than the more cognitive frontal lobe, and cites information from the National Institute of Health that says the amygdala is used more often to process images even into the teenage years.Because of this, Harmer said, when teenagers look at porn the images are not only linked in the brain to feelings of lust, but to other “gut” responses that the teen might be feeling such as anxiety or shame.
As an addiction forms, lust becomes permanently linked with the more negative emotions.“Studies have shown that the human brain is the last body organ to mature,” he said. “The teenage brain is at risk because it’s a long way from being fully developed.”According to Harmer, this information may be the key to fighting back successfully against pornography makers and distributors. As an attorney in Los Angeles, Harmer assisted the district attorney in successful attempts to prosecute pornographers, and has followed the progress of similar cases all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.“
"Up until now all the litigation against porn has been criminal, but these studies are developing a basis for civil actions against the pornographers,” said Harmer. “Especially with online pornography, most people who become addicted did not willingly begin that process.“It’s like the tobacco litigation from a few years ago where the companies claimed that tobacco doesn’t cause cancer. If people have no knowledge of the risks involved, there’s no way they can assume the responsibility for those risks.”Harmer and the anti-pornography association he founded, The Lighted Candle Society in Salt Lake, are currently raising the necessary funds for a major MRI study that directly explores the negative effects of pornography on the human brain. The cost for such a project is estimated at $2-3 million.
Two years ago the society gathered a panel of neuroscientists from all across the country to develop the protocol for the test, but Harmer said that the technology has changed so much since then that they need to reconvene the panel and develop new protocols. Once this is completed, he expects the actual study to begin sometime in 2008.“We’re only using scientists from outside the state because we don’t want there to be an immediate bias against our results,” said Harmer. “It’s been a lot of work, but the truth needs to come out.”
Those looking for more information, to donate, or purchase the book, please go online to http://lightedcandlesociety.org
by: Jenniffer Wardell
Can pornography actually damage the teenage brain?
That’s one of the assertions lawyer and former California legislator and Lt. Governor under Governor Ronald Reagan, the Hon. John L. Harmer makes in his latest book, The Sex Industrial Complex. Exploring MRI research gathered by Dr. Judith Reisman, president of Arizona’s Institute for Media Education, the book claims that exposing a young person’s developing brain to pornography rewires neural connections to create a lasting addiction to pleasure-inducing brain chemicals Reisman refers to as “Erotoxins.” “Pornography creates a chemical addiction in the same way cigarettes and alcohol do,” said Harmer.
In his book, Harmer cites sources from the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the British National Addiction Centre to describe how dopamine, a key drug released by the brain during arousal, has the same effect as cocaine or speed and can create the same addictions in the brain.
For children and teens, Harmer feels that the addiction could be even stronger and more damaging. The amygdala, the part of the brain that controls fear and other “gut” reactions, develops at a much younger age than the more cognitive frontal lobe, and cites information from the National Institute of Health that says the amygdala is used more often to process images even into the teenage years.Because of this, Harmer said, when teenagers look at porn the images are not only linked in the brain to feelings of lust, but to other “gut” responses that the teen might be feeling such as anxiety or shame.
As an addiction forms, lust becomes permanently linked with the more negative emotions.“Studies have shown that the human brain is the last body organ to mature,” he said. “The teenage brain is at risk because it’s a long way from being fully developed.”According to Harmer, this information may be the key to fighting back successfully against pornography makers and distributors. As an attorney in Los Angeles, Harmer assisted the district attorney in successful attempts to prosecute pornographers, and has followed the progress of similar cases all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.“
"Up until now all the litigation against porn has been criminal, but these studies are developing a basis for civil actions against the pornographers,” said Harmer. “Especially with online pornography, most people who become addicted did not willingly begin that process.“It’s like the tobacco litigation from a few years ago where the companies claimed that tobacco doesn’t cause cancer. If people have no knowledge of the risks involved, there’s no way they can assume the responsibility for those risks.”Harmer and the anti-pornography association he founded, The Lighted Candle Society in Salt Lake, are currently raising the necessary funds for a major MRI study that directly explores the negative effects of pornography on the human brain. The cost for such a project is estimated at $2-3 million.
Two years ago the society gathered a panel of neuroscientists from all across the country to develop the protocol for the test, but Harmer said that the technology has changed so much since then that they need to reconvene the panel and develop new protocols. Once this is completed, he expects the actual study to begin sometime in 2008.“We’re only using scientists from outside the state because we don’t want there to be an immediate bias against our results,” said Harmer. “It’s been a lot of work, but the truth needs to come out.”
Those looking for more information, to donate, or purchase the book, please go online to http://lightedcandlesociety.org
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Women and men say no to porn at Wheelock College
This is an interesting and great article that I'd highly recommend. Many thanks to Growingwiser for providing this link.
http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2007/03/28/women-and-men-say-no-to-porn-report-on-the-feminist-anti-pornography-conference-at-wheelock-college/
http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2007/03/28/women-and-men-say-no-to-porn-report-on-the-feminist-anti-pornography-conference-at-wheelock-college/
Monday, March 19, 2007
If You "Believe" In Porn Addiction
I recently read an article about pornography addiction that gave me a moment of clarity on the topic with just one line. The article stated, "If you believe that internet addiction is possible, then you must believe that internet pornography addiction is possible."
Having dealt with porn addiction in the background of my life for so long now, it is sometimes difficult for me to remember that many people in the world don't even believe it exists. There's often enormous skepticism expressed in mainstream media, in psychology articles, even from my own close friends. And so, in my real life the choices, behaviors, and addiction of another person are something that I have learned to speak about sparingly, keep secret, speak about anonymously online to only those who have lived similar experiences.
Any woman who has lived with a pornography addict knows that the addiction exists.
Seven years ago when I went searching for information about what I then termed as "cybersex" addiction, the only information I could find was religious based and even that was hard to find. That was not enough for me. Right or wrong, it wasn't enough for me to read that my husband's behavior and pornography addiction hurts me and my children because God thinks pornography is not ok. I wanted more concrete answers. I wanted to know.....is this really happening? Or am I going crazy? Is this as bad as I think it is, or have I become a prude? Why is it wrong? Why does this affect ME so deeply? What will happen if my children are exposed to their father's porn? Why doesn't he just stop it? Why does he say he will stop and then get better at lying about it and hiding it? Is it just me, or does it seem that what he views on the internet is becoming increasingly outlandish and obscene? What does this say about his character? My judgement in living with him and raising children with him? Is he a compulsive liar or a porn addict or both? Which is worse, the lying and lack of trust, or the porn itself? Should I stay for the best interest of my children, or leave for the best interest of my children?
At that time, there just were very few answers available online, in books, anywhere. Even our marriage therapist seemed to shift focus from these questions, seeming to not know how to deal with them, or minimized them. I ended up searching for information regarding the symptoms of his behaviors and remember doing late night web searches on "bullying," "narcissism," "sociopaths," "compulsive lying" to seek out answers to to how to better understand this crazy monster living in my house posing as my husband.
Fast forward to today. I subscribe to alerts on current news articles regarding porn addiction for mothersagainstpa.com. Each day my mailbox is flooded with news relaying everything from the most benign articles that mention pornography addiction to the most heinous relating a new celebrity, judge, lawyer, doctor, policeman, or other upstanding citizen who has been caught with child porn.
Do a Google search on pornography addiction. Pages of sites dealing with the topic come up.
This is all good in my mind. The awareness has expanded and information is more readily available. There are entire online programs geared toward the recovery of addicts, websites dedicated to information about the addiction, postings online by well educated psychologists that validate the reality of pornography addiction, counselors now specialize in sex and porn addiction recovery.
And yet still most information is written from the point of view to convince readers that this is real. I have to wonder if while porn addiction is obviously exploding all over our world why it is that convincing people it exists is still necessary. Psychologists refer to this as a compulsion, not an addiction.
I find that this further mystifies me personally because, even with news of daily high and low profile convictions regarding the use of unquestionably illegal pornography, the focus by news writers is often on the crime, not the victim, most often children, and written with the slant that porn addiction may or may not really be "real."
The increase in awareness is encouraging in some respects. But, I feel it is too slow. Too little too late. There is no sense of urgency. This progressive addiction has escalated to impacting young teens. While I was searching for "cybersex addiction" and "bullying" seven years ago, some of the porn addicts of today were just entering second grade. Teen porn has soared to to new heights of production making it the highest sought after legal pornography on the internet. While teen boys view it, so do their fathers and grandfathers.
In 2007, with pornography being the number one search on the internet, there is still very little information to be found about how this addiction phenomenon affects children and families. A paragraph here or there is all that can be found. More information and programs are available for wives and significant others of porn addicts but there is still much to be done on that front considering the toll taken on marriages, women's mental and physical health, and the resulting consequences for children of those marriages. Taking it to the next level....this is not just about our husbands anymore. It's our children who are becoming, and in danger of being the next generation of internet porn junkies.
A factor that wives of porn addicts often deal with is lack of belief in it themselves, a feeling that they have caused or contributed to the addiction, or that they are capable of supporting an addict enough that the addict will quit. A simplified belief of "if he loves me he will quit," "he must not love me enough because he won't quit," permeates new member discussion on porn addiction message boards. These false beliefs find beginnings in our own homes and from the mouths of our own addicts through gas lighting and common addict blame shifting. Perhaps because of the highly personal nature of this addiction, while our esteem plummets, so does our belief that we have the right, or even the responsibility to set a zero tolerance policy for ourselves, our kids, and to expect that this addiction be outwardly named for what it is, that information and resources to cope with it be readily available. Significant others of porn addicts upon first learning of a partner's addiction, are still often caught asking the questions of nearly a decade ago even while they live with the fallout in their own house: "Is this real?"
Until women are able to openly identify themselves as having legitimate concerns for themselves and their children in dealing with a porn addicted spouse, and to have that routinely validated in media, their therapist's office, even political discussion, a secret virus continues to infect our families.
I have often wondered WHO will do something about internet pornography addiction? The government? Health officials? Oprah Winfrey? Jerry Springer? Dateline? George Bush? Hillary Clinton? Osama Bin Laden? Or will it continue on for another decade as a topic of titillating debate about whether it's real, whether free speech is more important than cleaning up the internet. In past generations we could simply zone porn shops out of our neighborhoods. Now they're free in our homes.
If a virus ran rampant in The United States, infecting many people, causing the breakup of families, infecting children, would an agency be created to research it? Create a cure? Creating a generation of people hooked on the glare of computer generated naked images in increasingly bizarre and inhuman and violent acts in millions of home offices and across the world during work hours, school hours, late at night surely is worth looking into?
In the meantime the significant others of porn addicts are the witnesses. We have the ability to verify for one another the reality of the effect and harm of addiction. And when we believe what we know to be true, we can help other women find their way too.
In the meantime women like me can write blogs like this and hold out hope, speak up, so that my daughters will somehow be able to find a partner 20 years from now whose mind is not a cesspool of unimaginable sexual expectations and acts. And that my daughters' own minds will not be the ones clouded by these images.
Having dealt with porn addiction in the background of my life for so long now, it is sometimes difficult for me to remember that many people in the world don't even believe it exists. There's often enormous skepticism expressed in mainstream media, in psychology articles, even from my own close friends. And so, in my real life the choices, behaviors, and addiction of another person are something that I have learned to speak about sparingly, keep secret, speak about anonymously online to only those who have lived similar experiences.
Any woman who has lived with a pornography addict knows that the addiction exists.
Seven years ago when I went searching for information about what I then termed as "cybersex" addiction, the only information I could find was religious based and even that was hard to find. That was not enough for me. Right or wrong, it wasn't enough for me to read that my husband's behavior and pornography addiction hurts me and my children because God thinks pornography is not ok. I wanted more concrete answers. I wanted to know.....is this really happening? Or am I going crazy? Is this as bad as I think it is, or have I become a prude? Why is it wrong? Why does this affect ME so deeply? What will happen if my children are exposed to their father's porn? Why doesn't he just stop it? Why does he say he will stop and then get better at lying about it and hiding it? Is it just me, or does it seem that what he views on the internet is becoming increasingly outlandish and obscene? What does this say about his character? My judgement in living with him and raising children with him? Is he a compulsive liar or a porn addict or both? Which is worse, the lying and lack of trust, or the porn itself? Should I stay for the best interest of my children, or leave for the best interest of my children?
At that time, there just were very few answers available online, in books, anywhere. Even our marriage therapist seemed to shift focus from these questions, seeming to not know how to deal with them, or minimized them. I ended up searching for information regarding the symptoms of his behaviors and remember doing late night web searches on "bullying," "narcissism," "sociopaths," "compulsive lying" to seek out answers to to how to better understand this crazy monster living in my house posing as my husband.
Fast forward to today. I subscribe to alerts on current news articles regarding porn addiction for mothersagainstpa.com. Each day my mailbox is flooded with news relaying everything from the most benign articles that mention pornography addiction to the most heinous relating a new celebrity, judge, lawyer, doctor, policeman, or other upstanding citizen who has been caught with child porn.
Do a Google search on pornography addiction. Pages of sites dealing with the topic come up.
This is all good in my mind. The awareness has expanded and information is more readily available. There are entire online programs geared toward the recovery of addicts, websites dedicated to information about the addiction, postings online by well educated psychologists that validate the reality of pornography addiction, counselors now specialize in sex and porn addiction recovery.
And yet still most information is written from the point of view to convince readers that this is real. I have to wonder if while porn addiction is obviously exploding all over our world why it is that convincing people it exists is still necessary. Psychologists refer to this as a compulsion, not an addiction.
I find that this further mystifies me personally because, even with news of daily high and low profile convictions regarding the use of unquestionably illegal pornography, the focus by news writers is often on the crime, not the victim, most often children, and written with the slant that porn addiction may or may not really be "real."
The increase in awareness is encouraging in some respects. But, I feel it is too slow. Too little too late. There is no sense of urgency. This progressive addiction has escalated to impacting young teens. While I was searching for "cybersex addiction" and "bullying" seven years ago, some of the porn addicts of today were just entering second grade. Teen porn has soared to to new heights of production making it the highest sought after legal pornography on the internet. While teen boys view it, so do their fathers and grandfathers.
In 2007, with pornography being the number one search on the internet, there is still very little information to be found about how this addiction phenomenon affects children and families. A paragraph here or there is all that can be found. More information and programs are available for wives and significant others of porn addicts but there is still much to be done on that front considering the toll taken on marriages, women's mental and physical health, and the resulting consequences for children of those marriages. Taking it to the next level....this is not just about our husbands anymore. It's our children who are becoming, and in danger of being the next generation of internet porn junkies.
A factor that wives of porn addicts often deal with is lack of belief in it themselves, a feeling that they have caused or contributed to the addiction, or that they are capable of supporting an addict enough that the addict will quit. A simplified belief of "if he loves me he will quit," "he must not love me enough because he won't quit," permeates new member discussion on porn addiction message boards. These false beliefs find beginnings in our own homes and from the mouths of our own addicts through gas lighting and common addict blame shifting. Perhaps because of the highly personal nature of this addiction, while our esteem plummets, so does our belief that we have the right, or even the responsibility to set a zero tolerance policy for ourselves, our kids, and to expect that this addiction be outwardly named for what it is, that information and resources to cope with it be readily available. Significant others of porn addicts upon first learning of a partner's addiction, are still often caught asking the questions of nearly a decade ago even while they live with the fallout in their own house: "Is this real?"
Until women are able to openly identify themselves as having legitimate concerns for themselves and their children in dealing with a porn addicted spouse, and to have that routinely validated in media, their therapist's office, even political discussion, a secret virus continues to infect our families.
I have often wondered WHO will do something about internet pornography addiction? The government? Health officials? Oprah Winfrey? Jerry Springer? Dateline? George Bush? Hillary Clinton? Osama Bin Laden? Or will it continue on for another decade as a topic of titillating debate about whether it's real, whether free speech is more important than cleaning up the internet. In past generations we could simply zone porn shops out of our neighborhoods. Now they're free in our homes.
If a virus ran rampant in The United States, infecting many people, causing the breakup of families, infecting children, would an agency be created to research it? Create a cure? Creating a generation of people hooked on the glare of computer generated naked images in increasingly bizarre and inhuman and violent acts in millions of home offices and across the world during work hours, school hours, late at night surely is worth looking into?
In the meantime the significant others of porn addicts are the witnesses. We have the ability to verify for one another the reality of the effect and harm of addiction. And when we believe what we know to be true, we can help other women find their way too.
In the meantime women like me can write blogs like this and hold out hope, speak up, so that my daughters will somehow be able to find a partner 20 years from now whose mind is not a cesspool of unimaginable sexual expectations and acts. And that my daughters' own minds will not be the ones clouded by these images.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Why The Government Should Care About Pornography
TestimonyUnited States Senate Committee on the Judiciary
Why the Government Should Care about Pornography November 10, 2005
Jill Manning Sociologist , Brigham Young University
TESTIMONY OF JILL C. MANNING, M.S. HEARING ON PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON MARRIAGE & THE FAMILY SUBCOMMITTEE ON THE CONSTITUTION, CIVIL RIGHTS AND PROPERTY RIGHTS COMMITTEE ON JUDICIARY UNITED STATES SENATE November 9, 2005
Thank you Senator Brownback, Senator Feingold and distinguished members of the Sub-Committee; I appreciate this opportunity to address you.
Since the advent of the Internet, the pornography industry has profited from an unprecedented proximity to the home, work and school environments. Consequently, couples, families, and individuals of all ages are being impacted by pornography in new and often devastating ways. Although many parents work diligently to protect their family from sexually explicit material, research funded by Congress has shown Internet pornography to be “very intrusive.”
Additionally, we know that a variety of fraudulent, illegal and unethical practices are used to attract new customers and eroticize attitudes that undermine public health and safety. This profit-driven assault jeopardizes the well-being of our youth and violates the privacy of those who wish not to be exposed. Leading experts in the field of sexual addictions contend on-line sexual activity is “a hidden public health hazard exploding, in part because very few are recognizing it as such or taking it seriously.”
Research reveals many systemic effects of Internet pornography that are undermining an already vulnerable culture of marriage and family. Even more disturbing is the fact that the first Internet generations have not reached full-maturity, so the upper-limits of this impact have yet to be realized.
Furthermore, the numerous negative effects research point to are extremely difficult, if not impossible, for individual citizens or families to combat on their own. This testimony is not rooted in anecdotal accounts or personal views, but rather in findings from studies published in peer-reviewed research journals. I have submitted a review of this research to the Committee, and request that it be included in the record.
The marital relationship is a logical point of impact to examine because it is the foundational family unit and a sexual union easily destabilized by sexual influences outside the marital contract. Moreover, research indicates the majority of Internet users are married and the majority seeking help for problematic sexual behaviour online are married, heterosexual males.
The research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:
1. Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce,
2. Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction,
3. Infidelity
4. Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices,
5. Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing,
6. An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behaviour.
These trends reflect a cluster of symptoms that undermine the foundation upon which successful marriages and families are established. While the marital bond may be the most vulnerable relationship to Internet pornography, children and adolescents are the most vulnerable audience.
When a child lives in a home where an adult is consuming pornography, he or she encounters the following four risks:
1. Decreased parental time and attention
2. Increased risk of encountering pornographic material
3. Increased risk of parental separation and divorce and
4. Increased risk of parental job loss and financial strain
When a child or adolescent is directly exposed the following effects have been documented:
1. Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses,
2. Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s over the lifespan, 3. The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and the objectification of humans.
4. The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects;
5. Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior,
6. Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.
7. And, overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity).
Because the United States is ranked among the top producers and consumers of pornography globally, the federal government has a unique opportunity to take a lead in addressing this issue and the related harm. This leadership could unfold in a variety of ways. For example, through: • Educating the public about the risks of pornography consumption,
• Supporting research that examines aspects of Internet pornography currently unknown, • Allocating resources to enforce laws already in place, and lastly,
• Legally implement technological solutions that separate Internet content, allowing consumers to choose the type of legal content they wish to have access to.
In closing, I am convinced Internet pornography is grooming young generations of Americans in such a way that their chances of enjoying healthy and enduring relationships are handicapped. I hope this committee will carefully consider measures to reduce the harm associated with Internet pornography. I thank the Committee for this opportunity to testify and welcome your questions at this time.
Why the Government Should Care about Pornography November 10, 2005
Jill Manning Sociologist , Brigham Young University
TESTIMONY OF JILL C. MANNING, M.S. HEARING ON PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON MARRIAGE & THE FAMILY SUBCOMMITTEE ON THE CONSTITUTION, CIVIL RIGHTS AND PROPERTY RIGHTS COMMITTEE ON JUDICIARY UNITED STATES SENATE November 9, 2005
Thank you Senator Brownback, Senator Feingold and distinguished members of the Sub-Committee; I appreciate this opportunity to address you.
Since the advent of the Internet, the pornography industry has profited from an unprecedented proximity to the home, work and school environments. Consequently, couples, families, and individuals of all ages are being impacted by pornography in new and often devastating ways. Although many parents work diligently to protect their family from sexually explicit material, research funded by Congress has shown Internet pornography to be “very intrusive.”
Additionally, we know that a variety of fraudulent, illegal and unethical practices are used to attract new customers and eroticize attitudes that undermine public health and safety. This profit-driven assault jeopardizes the well-being of our youth and violates the privacy of those who wish not to be exposed. Leading experts in the field of sexual addictions contend on-line sexual activity is “a hidden public health hazard exploding, in part because very few are recognizing it as such or taking it seriously.”
Research reveals many systemic effects of Internet pornography that are undermining an already vulnerable culture of marriage and family. Even more disturbing is the fact that the first Internet generations have not reached full-maturity, so the upper-limits of this impact have yet to be realized.
Furthermore, the numerous negative effects research point to are extremely difficult, if not impossible, for individual citizens or families to combat on their own. This testimony is not rooted in anecdotal accounts or personal views, but rather in findings from studies published in peer-reviewed research journals. I have submitted a review of this research to the Committee, and request that it be included in the record.
The marital relationship is a logical point of impact to examine because it is the foundational family unit and a sexual union easily destabilized by sexual influences outside the marital contract. Moreover, research indicates the majority of Internet users are married and the majority seeking help for problematic sexual behaviour online are married, heterosexual males.
The research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:
1. Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce,
2. Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction,
3. Infidelity
4. Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices,
5. Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing,
6. An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behaviour.
These trends reflect a cluster of symptoms that undermine the foundation upon which successful marriages and families are established. While the marital bond may be the most vulnerable relationship to Internet pornography, children and adolescents are the most vulnerable audience.
When a child lives in a home where an adult is consuming pornography, he or she encounters the following four risks:
1. Decreased parental time and attention
2. Increased risk of encountering pornographic material
3. Increased risk of parental separation and divorce and
4. Increased risk of parental job loss and financial strain
When a child or adolescent is directly exposed the following effects have been documented:
1. Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses,
2. Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s over the lifespan, 3. The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and the objectification of humans.
4. The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects;
5. Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior,
6. Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.
7. And, overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity).
Because the United States is ranked among the top producers and consumers of pornography globally, the federal government has a unique opportunity to take a lead in addressing this issue and the related harm. This leadership could unfold in a variety of ways. For example, through: • Educating the public about the risks of pornography consumption,
• Supporting research that examines aspects of Internet pornography currently unknown, • Allocating resources to enforce laws already in place, and lastly,
• Legally implement technological solutions that separate Internet content, allowing consumers to choose the type of legal content they wish to have access to.
In closing, I am convinced Internet pornography is grooming young generations of Americans in such a way that their chances of enjoying healthy and enduring relationships are handicapped. I hope this committee will carefully consider measures to reduce the harm associated with Internet pornography. I thank the Committee for this opportunity to testify and welcome your questions at this time.
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